Noemi's eyes never leave mine as the server places our food in front of us, and even as she walks away, again leaving us in privacy, the only response I get from her is sparkling eyes and a half smile.
More than anything else I want to show her that I can be everything she hopes I can be. Reading that part in her journal was eye opening and it made me want to be a better man, all because she can see that in me.
"Let's eat," I nudge gently, but still her eyes don't shift from my face. She's exquisite when she's speechless like this. I wonder if I can make that sensation last all night for her.
26
NOEMI
Dinner was incredible. The food was delicious but it was Fyodor's company that made it special. I was shocked when he offered to take me to dinner, and even more so when he stopped to buy me this beautiful dress.
So when we get back to the motel, and Fyodor walks right past the door to our room where Sasha is sleeping, I'm confused and I slow down. He keeps going down the hallway toward the end without missing a beat as I pause a few doors past ours and glance back at it.
"Fyodor, we passed our room."
"I know," he says confidently.
"Where are we going?"
But instead of answering me he stops in front of a different door and pulls out a key card. His hand isn't steady when he slides it into the lock, and that's when I realize something's going on. I've seen this man face down armed killers without flinching. Hewalked out of that diner after a gunfight like it was nothing, but right now he looks almost nervous.
"Close your eyes," he says as he gestures for me to approach.
"What? Why?" I pad down the hallway quietly, still not sure what's going on, but I take his hand and stand by him.
"Just do it. Please."
Sighing, I reluctantly close my eyes and choose to trust that this is something good. As my eyelids flutter shut I notice his lips curling into a smile, then I feel his warm hand in the small of my back, guiding me forward.
"Careful," he says, and I feel him take my hand but I keep my eyes closed. When he stops me I hear the door click shut behind us and know we're in the room. It's warmer, and there's a lingering scent of heavy perfume in the air, maybe a potpourri or scented candle.
"Alright you can open them now," he says softly so I open my eyes and stop breathing for a second.
There are candles everywhere, dozens of them covering every surface in the room. The lights are off, but the room is glowing. Rose petals are scattered across the white bedsheets in deep reds and soft pinks, trailing down onto the carpet and leading from the door to the bed like a little path for us.
"Oh, my," I whisper, admiring every individual flame that dances atop its candle, and then I look up at him in wonder.
He got us a second room and planned all of this romantic atmosphere, maybe while I was using the bathroom at the restaurant or something. I never saw him take out his phone or make a call, but this was obviously planned out. And now he'swatching me like he's waiting for a verdict and terrified of what it might be.
"You did this?" I squeak, and I feel tears welling up in my eyes but I blink them back.
"I paid the staff to set it up while we were eating." He shoves his hands in his pockets, then takes them out again like he doesn't know what to do with them. "I got us our own room for the night. Lazar and Vasili are staying with Sasha, so we don't have to worry about him."
I don’t even know what to say to this. No man in my entire life has ever done something so romantic and to think that Fyodor's done this to be romantic for me is overwhelming. It doesn't feel like the sort of thing a mafia hitman even thinks about. I start to feel weak in the knees as I take a few steps closer to the bed and see an ice bucket with a bottle of wine chilling. It's too much.
"I don't know anything about romance, Noemi," he scratches out with a rough voice. He steps closer and his hands come up to my face, cupping my cheeks, and his eyes are locked on mine.
"But if this is what you like, I'll cover the whole damn world in roses for you. I'll figure out how to do this right. You deserve someone who knows how to make you feel loved. And I want to be that person for you, even if I have to teach myself everything from scratch."
My throat is tight and my eyes are burning and I can't say anything because if I open my mouth I'm going to cry. My bottom lip trembles and I grip the lapels of his jacket and shake my head as I stare into his eyes.
He never had to do any of this to make me appreciate him. And while this is the most romantic thing in the world, it's notnecessary to me. I would be happy with a hot shower and a good show, cuddling on the couch. But Fyodor has gone the extra mile. Which only takes my breath away more when he speaks again.
"I love you." He grips my head harder and uses his thumbs to wipe tears from my cheeks. "I don't know when it happened," he says softly. "I just know that when I think about going home, I want you there with me. When I think about Sasha growing up, I see you with him, teaching him, being there for him. You're in everything now, Noemi."
I still can't speak. It's like he's reached into my soul and silenced my inner critic. My whole life I've thought this sort of romance was only in fairy tales or romance novels. Yet here I am in a room that very much proves that theory wrong. And this man holding me so tightly as if I may slip away again and destroy him is slowly becoming the center of my universe too.
"I… I love you too," I whimper, and I rise up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.
