He laughs. “Inquiring mindswant to know.”
“You’re asking a lot of questions, Billy. You ready for a change? Does all this make you want to get married?” I jibe him.
“Pfft.” He waves his beer around. “I am loving life right now, no strings, I come and go as I please. There’s always someone I can call if I need, and if I don’t? I don’t. Simple.”
“Sounds lonely, Bill. Come on, don’t you want someone to come home to each night?” Tom interrogates him.
I notice the grip on his beer becomes a bit stronger, his knuckles turning white.
“I like my time alone. And I don’t have to answer to anyone about it.” He takes a large guzzle eyeing Tommy over the bottle.
“Adam? How about you?” Bobby asks and I cringe. Come on man, you have to know this is not a safe subject right now.
Adam just grunts, refusing to give any kind of answer.
“Yea Adam, wouldn’t it be nice to come home to your woman each night?” Billy asks with a tone to his voice.
Adam eyes him with a look that says shut your mouth right now.
“You do remember what that’s like right?”
“Billy, chill.” I say.
“Actually, he probably doesn’t since he was always working.”
“Fuck you, Billy.” Adam snipes out.
“Whatever, it’s your funeral.” Then, in a slightly lower tone, “but Jesus, get it together. It’s not just you two anymore.”
Why is Billy pushing buttons right now? For as long as I’ve known Billy, he was always a love ‘em and leave ‘em type guy. He used to hang with me at the bars when I first came back to Christmas after being released from the NFL. I was agood wingman he explained, drawing women in but not wanting anything to do with them, he’d get to pick up the slack.
Francesca was always concerned about him. There was a girl he was dating for a while after my rookie season. I remember him bringing her to a game I got him tickets for, and it was strange. He had never done that before, preferring to meet new women wherever he went.
Billy is a social guy. Life of the party, always down to meet new people. Especially women. But I was happy to see him bring someone along, because he shouldn’t be alone, and he should enjoy the comfortability of a relationship. They looked happy, and more importantly he looked happy, content. But next time I was around, he was flying solo again and had resorted to being a bigger bachelor, or, well, a true Casanova.
His avoidance of the questions and raging on Adam has me wondering if there’s something more to the story between those two. It’s been years since that game, but it makes me wonder if, as he grows up and sees everyone settling down, if he’s not missing it for himself.
“Damn, Billy, why are you getting so upset?”
He stands from his chair abruptly and throws his almost empty bottle into the garbage can a few feet away. It makes a loud noise as it slams to the bottom of the can. “Because I can’t stand him being blind anymore! Adam doesn’t see what he’s got right in front of him.” Then he steps towards him, “Damnit, you’re wasting time, yours and hers, by stringing her along.”
Adam jumps up and gets right in his face. “Keep your mouth shut about shit you know nothing about.”
We jump up and circle around them, trying to get them to cool off.
“I don’t know about it, huh? What I wouldn’t do to be in your shoes.” He drops his head, shaking it, staring at the ground. Taking a breath, he raisesit and stares right at Adam. “I was there, too, Adam, and we’re all here now. You’re suffocating us, tying our hands, not allowing us to do what we do best. Be a family.”
“Don’t. Talk.” Adam grinds out.
“Don’t let her go a second time, brother.” He spits the word. “If you do, it’s not just you who loses. We all have a lot more to lose this time around.”
Billy allows me to get between them, nudging him back, as Tom and Bobby walk Adam back to his chair. “Come on guys, this is not how I want to spend my night before my wedding. We should be drinking, and I should be getting shitty advice. Let’s go back to that.”
Billy shakes me off, not in a violent way, but he’s clearly had enough. I see it on his face. He never gets emotional, and I wonder how much he has bottled up that is just waiting to burst to the surface. It’s a bad way to live, I should know, I did it for years. Suppressing feelings, acting like everything is fine, being someone I really didn’t feel inside. It was tiring trying to convince everyone I was fine. Then when you least expect it, one small thing can set you off and the explosion can have a huge impact not only on your own life, but those around you. I’d hate for Billy to be feeling like a ticking timebomb and make the same mistakes like I did. I make a mental note to talk to Francesca about it. He’s the closest to her, and if anyone can, she’ll be the one to get him to open up.
“I’m going inside to bed. You all should, big day tomorrow and all.” And with that, he turns and heads towards the sliders that lead him inside. I see the hallway light turn on, then the guest room light goes on a few moments later.
I sigh, falling back into my seat. “What in the hell is going on with him?”
