“With love,
Z.”
I cough again as I fold the paper. I place it inside the envelope with the two tapes and the Polaroid of Emily.
I press it to my chest and close my eyes, almost feeling her beside me.
Standing makes the room spin. Exhaustion drags at my limbs. I feel the cancer inside me, eating me second by second. I move slowly down the stairs toward Emma’s room.
She sleeps curled on her side, wrapped in a pink blanket dotted with daisies. Beside her lies her best friend. Buddy, the ginger and whiteCavalier King Charles Spaniel,breathes softly against her legs.
I step inside and kneel beside the bed. I lean close, press a kiss to her forehead, and whisper, “Goodbye, Freckles.”
I placed my palm on Buddy’s head, “Keep her safe.” I said.
I turn toward the shelf and wind the music box.Dream a Little Dreamhums softly through the room, as my eyes close.
Buddy whines and nudges his head against me.
My chest grows heavy. I don’t cough this time. I let it go with a faint smile on my lips, knowing it will all end soon.
Darkness comes.
They say there is light, but that is a lie. There is no light for me—only the poison my own mind left behind, and all the sickness that follows.
Still, I die in peace.
My daughter will never have to ask why, or how, or what if. She will have my mind in pieces, every version of me I left behind.
She will have the mind of a man who learned that even monsters, even those born wrong, deserve to be loved and to love in return.
Play “NF- Can you hold me”
