I wish the same, though not just for her sake. Selfishly, I wish I had never wasted all that time with Carter. Here with them—Addy and the guys—I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy.
What I thought was happiness with Carter was nothing more than complacency and fear that nobody would ever want me the way he did. That still frightens me, that one day they might wake up and see me for what I am—a nameless nobody. They swear it won’t happen, that they want me forever, but even if it does, I can’t stop it, so I might as well enjoy every moment until then.
“Why do you like Ariel?” Addy asks as I braid her hair for bed, and I take a moment to think about the answer.
“Well, when I was younger, I liked her because she had red hair like me, and then eventually I liked her because she’s a mermaid, and I always wanted to be a mermaid.”
“Hm, I think I’d rather be able to make it snow than swim. I can swim in our pool anytime.”
I finish off her braid with a chuckle before I gather her up in my arms and give her a squeeze.
“Well, when I was a little girl, Elsa wasn’t a princess yet.” Her little mouth drops open in shock, and I can’t help but chuckle again. “But even if she were, I still would pick Ariel because I’m not a fan of the cold. I’d much rather swim in the ocean and enjoy the sun and the beach.”
“I like the beach too, Mommy,” she says, turning to face me with a pout. “I know you do, honey. Just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you can’t like another.”
Her face lights up. “Like how you love Daddy and Des and—”
“Did you pick a story for Oli to read to you tonight?” I interrupt her, hoping to change the subject.
It’s not that she’s wrong, but I’m not sure how to have this conversation with her, or if it should even be me who has it.
If she notices my discomfort, she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she takes off into her room, our conversation forgotten. She’s back a second later with her book of five-minute stories we got a month ago on an outing.
She has to be getting to the end of them, and I make a mental note to check out the other books she has and her reading level tomorrow.
Maybe a trip to the bookstore wouldn’t be too bad?
All I can picture is Carter hidden behind the shelves, ready to take Addy.
Nope, never mind, we can order them or something.
“Alright, princess, let's get those teeth brushed and into bed before Oli gets here.” I take the book from her so she can brush, and we do a little silly dance while she uses mouthwash, then I scoop her up and carry her over to her bed.
She giggles and wiggles as I dance and spin us through the room, and my heart is so full it could burst.
I collapse back onto her bed, and she quickly crawls up to scurry under the covers to hide from the tickle monster.
Spoiler alert, it doesn’t work. A little blanket can’t stop the tickle monster.
The sound of a throat clearing has me looking toward the door to find Oliver standing just inside the room, watching us.
I can’t say I blame him, considering the fact that I’m currently standing on the bed over Addy with my hands up and in tickler position.
I probably look even crazier than it sounds to him.
With a nervous giggle, I let my arms drop to my sides before I drop down onto my knees beside Addy.
“I love you, princess. I hope your dreams are as magical as you are.”
“I love you, Mommy.” She already sounds tired, and I know she won’t make it through more than half of her story tonight.
I kiss her head as I climb out of the bed. Pulling the covers up to her chin, I brush a bit of stray hair that escaped during our playtime and smile down at her, and nearly lose my balance and crash into Oliver.
“Whoa, careful.” Oliver catches me, his hands gripping my biceps firmly to keep me upright, before a tiny giggle behind me pulls me from my thoughts that are quickly turning inappropriate.
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry,” I say in a rush, stepping away from him and his very warm hands that feel so right on my skin.
“Sorry,” I say again as I rush from the room with my face feeling as though it’s about to catch fire.
