Adrian.
I knew the name would matter the moment she said it.Not because of who he is.Because of what she looked like saying it.Like she was offering me a wound she usually keeps stitched shut.
I replay the sound of it over and over, a shape carved into her voice.
Her ex.
Her stalker.
Her fear.
I drop my head and let it hang between my shoulders.My breath fogs the glass.It’s colder in here tonight.Maybe that’s me.
My jaw tightens.I force myself to exhale slowly, controlled, measured.
I don’t get to lose control.
Control is what makes a good captain.Control is what keeps a team in line.Control is the thing I perfected years before I ever stepped foot in a rink like this.Some kids grow up learning how to throw punches.Others learn how to hold back.
I learned restraint so well it feels like bone.
But tonight?
Tonight restraint feels like a noose.
I push off again, skating a clean tight turn around the circle, legs burning in a way that’s almost welcome.I push harder, leaning into the edge until my shoulder nearly grazes the ice, then snap upright and sprint down the line.
Fast enough that the wind stings my eyes.
Fast enough that thinking becomes optional.
But it never fully stops.
I see Wren’s face when her phone lit up.
How she froze.
How her hands trembled before she made them stop.
How she looked at Finn—not me, not Atlas—because Finn already knew.
That part shouldn’t bother me.
It does.
Not because she trusted him.Finn is safe.Warm.Open.The kind of person you tell things to without meaning to.He earned it.He deserves it.
It bothers me because I didn’t see it.
Because I should have.
I’m the one who reads a whole team’s worth of fear, tension, ego, exhaustion, potential disaster and manages it before it hits the ice.I’m the one who knows when someone’s about to blow or when they’re falling apart.That’s my job.That’s what I’m good at.
But I didn’t see this in her.
Or maybe I saw it and didn’t name it.Maybe that’s worse.
I take another lap so fast my blades scream against the surface.My lungs burn.Good.I want the pain.Pain is simple.Pain makes sense.
