“No, I guess not.”
“Does that bother you?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “But not enough to cause a fight between Peyton and me.”
“I see,” said Dr. Blake. “It sounds like you’re being mature about it.”
“I’m trying to, but it’s hard. I don’t like sharing her.”
“Peyton?”
“Yeah.”
Dr. Blake nodded, shifting in her chair. “I don’t think many people would, to be honest,” she said. “Is there a reason you two are not exclusive? Does she seem to have valid feelings for this man in Denver?”
“It’s hard to say,” I told her. “Knowing Peyton, she’s not doing this out of spite. She’s a better person than that.”
“Do you feel she trusts you?” Dr. Blake asked, and this time the question made me stop in my tracks. I stared at her, feeling that pressure of hesitation rise to my chest.
“I hope so,” I said, but part of my knew better than that. Dr. Blake said nothing, only waited for me to go on, so I did. “No,” I said. “I don’t think she trusts me, and I don’t blame her.”
“How well do you know this woman?”
“She—she was my fiancé,” I said. “Five years ago we were engaged to be married.”
“Oh.” Dr. Blake’s eyebrows shot up. The revelation surprised her. “I didn’t realize that you’d know her for so long.”
“Yeah.”
“So, what happened? Why did you never marry?”
I pushed a breath of air between my lips and sat back on the couch, looking at anything but her so I could gather my bearings. I almost made up some phony lie, but I couldn’t do it. Not to Peyton.
“My father died during our engagement,” I said quietly. “He was also a firefighter, killed in the line of duty.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Korbin.”
“Thanks. It was really rough on my family.”
“So what happened?”
I sighed. The story felt like tar, sticking to my mouth and throat, refusing to come out. “Peyton and I were happy,” I said. “We had plans to leave after her graduation, to go to Chicago. I was weeks away from taking my firefighter entrance exam to join Chicago FD, and Peyton had a great job offer. We were about to start our lives. Everything was perfect.”
Dr. Blake nodded, silently urging me on.
“But then I spoke to my mother during my father’s wake. She was lonely. Scared. My father had always supported her, and my two younger siblings had already moved. They were leading their own lives out of state, and—”
“You couldn’t leave her,” Dr. Blake said, filling in my words. I sighed and shook my head, bracing my hands together until they ached and burned.
“I couldn’t leave her,” I said with a nod. “And I knew that by staying to help my mother, Peyton would choose to stay as well. And—I couldn’t do that to her. Not when she had such a bright future.”
“So you broke the engagement off.”
“Yes.”
“Do you regret it?”
I looked at Dr. Blake in the eyes. Many people, including Peyton, had asked me the same question over the years. I’d always danced around it, twisted my response so I wouldn’t have to speak the words aloud, only reinforcing that I was an asshole, a jerk.
