Jake smiled. I really enjoyed his smile. “How else are things going?” he asked. “How is it to be back home?”
I hesitated, wondering if I should go ahead and tell him about Korbin. Normally I wouldn’t have, but I felt like things could possibly go somewhere with Jake, and I wasn’t about to let Korbin screw that up.
“I have to tell you something,” I said, and Jake pulled back a tiny bit, looking wary.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes,” I said. “But I think if we’re honest with each other, we’ll save a lot of heartache right off the bat.”
“Okay,” Jake agreed. “What’s wrong?”
“After I moved home, and after our first date, I ran into an old flame of mine at my work.”
“An old flame,” repeated Jake. “Was it serious?”
“It was, at one time,” I admitted. “We were—we were engaged. To be married.”
“Oh.” Jake sat back a bit as if I’d slapped him, looking like he was unsure for a moment what to say. But when I opened my mouth to explain further, he spoke first, cutting me off. “This old flame,” he said. “Is this the person that was supposed to go to Chicago with you?”
I bowed my head but didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to. Jake knew.
“We’ve been hanging out,” I told him. “And—and we’ve kissed. A couple of times.”
“Okay.” Jake sighed and looked around, as if trying to search for the right words to say next. “There’s not a lot I can say,” he said finally. “I never officially asked you to be my girlfriend, so that’s your right, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess it is,” I said softly. “But I feel like a bad person for it.”
“You shouldn’t.” Jake shook his head and laughed, melting some of the tension in the air. Then he leaned forward, taking my hands once more in his own. “Look,” he said, vivid blue eyes burning into mine. “I really like you, Peyton, and I’m willing to look past this if you can tell me that we actually have a chance.”
“Of course,” I said. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“Because I don’t want to compete with your ex-fiancé,” he said with a shrug, and I couldn’t blame him. Not even a little bit.
“Korbin is bad for me,” I said, squeezing his hands. “He’s toxic. I need better. Every time I see him I get hung up on how things should have been, but it’s not reality. I don’t plan on staying in Eagle River once my mother is better.”
Jake nodded and squeezed my hands between his, but he still seemed unsure. “As much as I want you all to myself, Peyton, I know that’s not feasible. But I also know that I can’t in good conscience only date you If you’re also semi-dating him.”
“I know,” I said. “So how about we just do what we want to do, and see what happens.”
Jake smiled that charming, self-assured smile and nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”
* * *
“Mom, do you need me to pull over? Are you going to be sick?” My foot lifted just briefly from the gas as my mother reached for the designated puke bag the doctor had sent home with her after chemo and raised it to her lips. Her skin was pale and clammy, nearly translucent under the glow of the moon in the sky. She shook her head, waving me off.
“Just get us home,” she pleaded. “The motion is making it worse.”
Heart shattering into bits and pieces, I focused my attention on the road and getting home as quickly as possible to ease her discomfort. The nausea had been bad recently, especially since chemo had started, and there was nothing to be done except to just wait it out.
“Are you hungry?” I asked. “I can stop and get whatever you’d like, if you are.”
“I’m okay, sweetheart,” my mom said quietly, and pure exhaustion seemed to wash over her.
“I’ll make soup tonight then,” I said, mostly to myself. If it was going to be anything like last week, she wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, anyway.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Mom said, reaching over to squeeze my hand. Her skin was cold and papery. Sick.
“Don’t thank me, Mom. Just relax. We’re almost home.”
