“I am sure we will,” I told her, but I was not entirely convinced. What I didn’t tell her aloud is that the only real reason I was going on a date with Jason tonight was that I needed something—orsomeone—to distract me from the fact that Matt, Jake, and Aaron wouldn’t leave the forefront of my mind.
And it was making me insane.
“Hey, are you okay?” Giving up on my dull wardrobe, Jami sat on the bed next to me, her eyes scanning my face, brows furrowed in concern. “You don’t look excited about this at all. You don’t have to go, you know. I just think it would be good for you.”
“I know, I just ...” I took a big breath and shook my head. “I dunno. Jason is great, but I don’t know if he’s really my type.”
“Jason is everyone’s type,” said Jami with a giggle. “I realized that I have him in two different classes. He’s not as arrogant as the boys, you know, sure, but he seems nice enough.”
“Yeah, but is ‘nice enough’ supposed tobeenough?”
“That depends,” Jami said with a shrug. “Are you tired of the jerks yet?”
She was right, and she knew it. We both did. So I sighed loudly and nodded my head.
“Fine.”
“You won’t know until you try, right?” Jami patted my hand gently, eyes twinkling. “Besides, it was college. It was time to date, be free, and have fun. This doesn't even have to be a serious thing with you two. You’ll get a free meal and maybe some drinks.”
“I know. I just can’t stop thinking about ...” I trailed off, heat rising to my face, and Jami’s eyebrows shot up.
“You can’t stop thinking about what, Renee?”
“Nothing.”
“Orwho?” Jami’s grin widened, a kid on Christmas. “You can’t stop thinking about who?”
I sighed and took a deep breath, knowing that if I were going to be honest with anyone, it had to be Jami.
“Remember the guys from the bar? The ones I told you were my bullies?”
“Yeah, what’s not to remember?” Jami rolled her eyes, but even my oblivious eye noticed the slight red tint that appeared on her apple-shaped cheeks.
“I just feel ... I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I can’t seem to get them out of my mind, and I don't know why.”
“In what way?” Jami asked. “Do you imagine killing them slowly and painfully, or do you sexually think of them?”
“A little bit of both,” I admitted because it was true. I did want to kill Matt, Jake, and Aaron.
But I also wanted to fuck them. And I had no idea why.
The thought of them excited me, a strange, new feeling I hadn’t yet felt when talking to Jason. Even with the bad memories of the shitty days and the mean taunts. Why was I thinking about them in any way that didn’t reflect that?
They tortured me. And now it was happening again but in an entirely different way.
“So, what do you want to do about these boys?” Jami asked, reaching over to grab both of our half-empty wine glasses from my nightstand. She handed me mine, and I took a drink, savoring the warmth that spread through my chest.
“If I know what’s good for me, then absolutely nothing,” I told Jami, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t get involved with them at all.”
“Not even for ... revenge?” Jami tapped the wine glass with a fingernail, eyebrows raised once more.
“What are you talking about?”
“Tell me this,” Jami said, leaning forward. “What’s the sweetest revenge you could think of?”
“Oh, look at you, talking about revenge and stuff,” I giggled. I liked this side of Jami; I always knew she had it in her.
“Tell me,” Jami said, leaning in. “Tell me what your ultimate revenge would be.”
