And Paisley. Paisley’s reaction to losing him. The terror on her face, the ache in her voice. I hated seeing her go through that more than I hated anything.
“Stop,” I said, gently pulling away. Julia pulled back, staring at me, her brows furrowed in an undeniable expression one of hurt. She pulled her lip between her teeth and began to gnaw on it, eyes on me, burning a hole in the back of my skull.
“I’m only trying to help, Erik.”
“I know you are, Jules. I’m just—I’m not in the mood.”
“Okay.” She drew back, giving me room. “You’re upset. I can respect that. I’m sorry.”
“No,I’msorry.” I leaned forward and took her hands in mine, forcing a smile for her sake. “I know you’re just trying to help. I don’t know, it’s just—it was a tough one.”
“How are the guys doing?” she asked. “I know a death, especially a child’s, can take a toll.”
“They’re doing okay, you know. It’s part of the job. But Paisley…I don’t think she’s doing very well.”
“Paisley,” Julia repeated, and this time, she dropped my hands and drew back. “That’s right. Paisley.”
“She started compressions as soon as we got to the scene, but it was too late. It really hit her hard.” I leaned back in my chair and sighed, rubbing my temples to try and ward off the throbbing ache hammering inside my skull. “You should have heard the mother scream, Jules. It was soul-shattering.”
“I bet.” Her voice was soft, but something new in her tone, some hidden spite, hadn’t been there a moment earlier. “I can’t imagine how tragic that must be for a mother.”
“Yeah. Paisley let it get to her, I think. You can’t do that in the field.”
“No.” Her eyes worked over my face like she was searching for something in the tired lines. “No, you can’t.”
“She’s a trooper, though. The whole department is. I’m proud of them.” I kicked up the legs on the recliner and took another drink of my beer, staring aimlessly at the TV in front of us. Julia watched me still; I could see her from the corner of my eye.
“Have someone else on your mind?” she asked finally, and I could tell from her tone that she wasn’t referring to the little boy.
“Of course not.” A simple lie. I’d had Paisley on my mind all day. In fact, it seemed like Paisley had been at the forefront of my mind since I’d met her.
And I hated myself for it.
“Wow.” Julia’s voice was quiet as her eyes studied my face, scanning the lines etched into my features, trying to find whatever she needed to confirm her suspicions. She bit her lip like she always did, but I didn’t find it cute or endearing this time.
“Wow, what?” I stood from the chair and went to the kitchen for some water. Julia’s eyes followed me, unspeaking as I pulled a chilled water bottle from the fridge and chugged it. I couldn’t read her expression; I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
“Does she have everyone on the crew this wound up?” Julia asked quietly. Her tone was so low that I almost hadn’t heard her, but it was impossible not to.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, resting my elbows on the countertop to look at her. Beer rolled in my stomach, threatening to vomit all over the brand-new carpet, and Julia’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits.
“No?”
“No.”
Silence settled between us, a heavy silence I could feel it weighing painfully on my chest. Julia’s green eyes burned into mine, seeming to leave a wound with every inch of space she searched. After a moment of tense, unbearable silence, I cleared my throat and tossed the empty water bottle into the recycle bin, going to the coffee table for my phone.
“It’s been a long day,” I said. “I’m going to bed.”
She didn’t join me.
Chapter15
Paisley
“Can you please stop staring at me like that? You’re making me mess up.”
“Messing what up?” Korbin asked. “You have to do something right to mess it up.”
