I needed to talk to Elle. I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions or assume something that put Elle in a bad light. I knew Elle, or I thought I did. I wouldn’t let my anxiety cause problems until I had all the facts.
I take a fortifying breath and get to working on packing up my area. I had been gone all morning doing a walk through the new education center. Lola and Paul had worked some type of magic and once all the permits were through, everything moved very quickly.
I was amazed that it had only taken a couple of weeks, not months, to get it all finished. The Warren family could be scary with how they got stuff done. It would be a few more days until I could officially move in but I would rather be ready to go now. Waiting until the last minute wasn’t my style and there may have been a small, scared, part of me that thought the end was coming with Elle and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle being in her space if that happened.
The need to run around the Farm until I found her caused an ache in my chest but I did my best to ignore it. Everything would be fine.
I hoped.
Chapter Forty-Five
ELLE
Ireally didn’t want to see my mother when I already felt like my nerves were raw from my own spiraling but I knew she was pissed by my silence for the last week and I knew my sisters would have shared what was happening away from work.
On some level, I know they were worried about me but the feeling that I had put the whole Farm in danger with my choices was killing me. Not one choice, multiple choices.
When Lola and Mabel had encouraged me to pursue this thing with Patrick, they hadn’t considered the ramifications once I screwed things up.
Screwing things up was inevitable. I knew it was just a matter of time.
Walking into The Big House, my childhood home, caused my heart to clench and break. A sob busts out of me. The familiarity of everything in this house breaks me. “Oh bubs.” I can’t see my mother with the tears blurring my vision but I heard her and felt her arms wrap me in a tight hug. Her hand rubs circles on my back and she led me into what I assume is the living room.
She sits us on the couch, whispering calming words in my ear but I heard none of it. I hadn’t cried at all except for the one tear I let fall when I went home sick. I had tucked all the emotionsaway, refusing to feel and only think about all of this logically but being home, all the hurt came to the surface.
“Elle, bubs, what’s going on? Are you still sick? Do I need to take you to the hospital?” The panic in her voice became more and more apparent with each question and I felt my heart squeeze again. “No, no. I’m okay.” I rub my palms against my eyes, trying to stop the stream of tears.
“Like hell you are. What is going on?”
I’d always been a terrible liar and I was too upset to try and fight a direct question from my mother. I tell her everything. Okay, almost everything. You’d have to waterboard me before I admitted to my mother how intimate Patrick and I had been.
My eyes are burning and my voice is raspy by the time I finished explaining all my worries and the insistence that I would eventually ruin whatever was going on between me and Patrick.
I’d never seen so many emotions cross someone’s face in such a short amount of time but by the time I got to the end of my rant, my mother looked murderous. Shit. I knew I’d fucked up but I didn’t expect this level of anger from anyone besides me. To see this reaction from her, to see how upset she was, shame twisted my insides. “I’m so sorry. I know I fucked up.” I drop my gaze to my hands, fingers intertwined and knuckles white from how hard my grip is. I’m trying to keep it together but it’s just so fucking hard.
Warm hands cover mine and squeeze. “You listen to me Elle April Warren and you listen hard, I don’t want you to mishear anything I have to say to you right now.” There’s a hard edge to her voice but I’m scared to look at her. “You aresodeserving of love and you should never, ever, settle or change yourself. I am so proud of you for cutting things off with the Lupovich kid when you realized he wasn’t loving and supporting you the wayhe should have been. You are a strong as hell woman and only a weak man would try to change that about you.
“I am disappointed that you didn’t tell Loop to shove it where the sun doesn't shine as soon as he sent that first text. I’m honestly shocked you didn’t tell him to fuck off and immediately request a new accountant.” My mouth drops open in surprise, I’d never heard my mom swear before. She shoots a smirk my way but doesn’t let me interrupt. “Now, I want you to know you don’t need anyone else—especially a man—in your life but if you do want that companionship, you could do a hell of a lot worse than Patrick Hunt. From what you’ve told me, what I’ve observed, and how highly all of your siblings speak of him,” Her smirk is replaced with a sly smile and a shrug of her shoulder, “That man cares about you and I think he would cut off his own arm before doing anything to hurt you or this place. Now, you need to put on your big girl panties and tell Loop you’re not interested in any type of relationship with him outside of work. Then, you need to find Patrick, take him home and take those big girl panties off.”
“Oh my god! Mom, you did NOT just say that to me!!” I cover my ears and slam my eyes closed, willing that last sentence to evaporate from my memory. A laugh bubbles up from my chest and Mom joins in, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. “Oh, stop being such a prude!”
We stay like that, laughter turning into giggles which eventually settles into a comfortable silence. Her arms are still wrapped around me and I relax into the comfort my mom is providing. It reminds me of the night in Salt Lake with my sisters, or date nights with Patrick.
I let my mom’s words run through my mind until they start to sink in. Of course, she’s right. Ever since Patrick—my Intruder—started working here, I’ve been changing but not because of him.
No, I’ve been changing because I’ve wanted to. I wanted to open myself up to my siblings and share my life with them more. I’ve been willing to be vulnerable with the people who matter to me.
Even though I've taken those steps forward with my family and Patrick, it feels like I’m cowering when it comes to confronting Loop’s actions and I don’t know why. It took me a long time to build up the courage to end things with him and I’ve fallen back into the girl I was before I built that courage up, the one who didn’t think she deserved any better but I already have better.
Resolve flows through my veins and I sit up, Mom’s arms dropping from around me as I pull my phone out of my pocket. I pull up the one sided text conversation with Loop and my fingers fly across my screen, I need to get this out.
Me: Everyone makes mistakes, I do not blame you for the paperwork mishap. As for your other messages, I do not find them appropriate and would like you to only reach out to me if the topic of conversation is work. I’m in a relationship and constantly reaching out makes me uncomfortable.
“Would have expected a swear word or two but very professional and to the point. That’s my girl.” Of course she’s reading over my shoulder. I would normally be annoyed but seeing as she just knocked the sense into me, I decided to let it go.
“I have to go find Patrick. I owe him an apology.” I stand and make quick strides to the front door, swinging it open and hurrying down the steps. “Don’t forget what I said about the panties!” I almost fall down as my mother’s words call behind me but I refuse to turn around. That woman is a menace but Ineeded to find my Intruder and I wasn’t going to let anything distract me from my goal.
Chapter Forty-Six
