“I guess there was a problem and one of the permits that needed to be submitted last week wasn’t included with all the other permits that were dropped off together. Our accountant found it in some documents that were sent to him. We’ve gotten it submitted correctly now but we can’t get a guarantee on when it will go through.” I can feel the blood rushing in my ears as his words spin through my head.
“You gotta let me work somewhere else.”
I didn’t want to be in this space for any longer than I needed to. Elle doesn’t want me here and I need to put some distance between the two of us. I can’t do my job with all the focus she takes from me every day.
No, I can’t stay here in this office indefinitely. I can’t, I won’t.
“Rick, I’m so sorry we don’t have anywhere else to put you right now.” Lola’s voice comes out so quiet but I can’t accept this.
Elle looked broken before she stormed out and I never want to be the reason for her to look or feel like that.
I’d rather quit than hurt Elle.
I barely register Lola and Jude’s conversation but do hear they are worried about Elle being outside with the weather getting drastically worse. Eventually, they leave but I’m still stuck in my shame spiral.
What could I do to fix this?
Chapter Twenty-Five
ELLE
Icouldn’t fucking do this.
Couldn’t fucking look at Patrick’s face.
Not with that damn look of confusion and worry.
Fuck him and fuck this stupid fucking situation.
“Don’t follow me!” The slam of the door does nothing to calm my frayed nerves.
I needed to get away.
My eyes burn and it feels like my throat’s closing, I couldn’t catch my fucking breath.
I couldn’t do this.
I couldn’t be around him any more than I already had. He was so fucking frustrating. I didn’t understand why he did anything.
Why was he always so nice to me?
God, it felt like my blood was boiling in my veins. My chest hurt, fuck, was I having a heart attack? Could anger cause a heart attack?
I stop my escape and try to take a deep breath.
Did that help? Of fucking course not. A sob tore through my chest and knocked me to my knees.
What was wrong with me? Hot angry tears streamed down my face as I kept trying to breathe.
An undetermined amount of time later, my heart finally slows down and I’m able to fill my lungs with air. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this angry. I felt betrayed by my sister and Jude, how could they not even try to offer an alternative solution? There had to be somewhere he could go….
I knew that wasn’t true. Lola had to do so much to get me to agree in the first place because we had no space for someone new.
We needed more space and I knew Lola was working on it but things took time, I knew that but it didn’t make it hurt any less. I’d opened myself up to something I was supremely uncomfortable with for the bettering of the Farm, to hopefully make things easier for my family. Lola had been so excited to start offering tours of our family’s pride and joy. I didn’t want my overall roughness to stop one of her dreams but I can’t be around Patrick indefinitely.
I can’t handle the way he makes me feel. It had been two fucking weeks and I felt like my world had been tipped upside down. He stirred feelings that I never believed I could feel.
Ideas and hopes I never let myself dream about were suddenly burrowing themselves in my head, thinking that I could actually have something more than paperwork.
