His words cracked something inside of me.I crossed my arms tightly.“You didn’t try.Not until now.You left me alone knowing that is the one thing I can’t handle.You made me feel like I had done something wrong.”My voice cracked at the end, and I had to clench my teeth to make myself stop.
He flinched like I’d hit him.
“I know,” he whispered.“And I’m sorry.God, I’m so sorry, Cadence.”
“That doesn’t fix it!”My voice broke.“Do you know how much it hurt?How scared I’d been?You avoided me.You shut down on me.You made me feel like I ruined everything, like loving you was the worst mistake I could’ve made.”
Tears blurred my vision.
He stepped closer, barely daring to touch the air around me.So impossibly careful to not crowd me even though it was clear by his broken expression that he wanted to.“Cadence....”He swallowed hard, his words coming out so thick I could barely understand him.“You didn’t ruin anything.I was scared.And I handled it like an idiot.”
“Scared of what?”I choked.
He inhaled shakily.“My church.My dad’s church.Everything I grew up hearing.That what we were doing was wrong.That sharing someone was...sinful.That wanting you the way I do—but also respecting how you love the others—meant I was not only good enough, but also a bad person.And I’ll admit, it wasn’t just about that too.I hated the idea that you weren’t just mine.But at the same time...”
He raked a hand through his hair.“I kept thinking what if I regret it years from now?What if I lose myself?What if I lose you?What if I lose them?”His voice cracked open.“But the truth is...”His voice hitched.“I’m already losing you.And the thought of that terrifies me way more than some outdated belief system I don’t really believe in.Or my own stubbornness and greed.”
I covered my mouth with my shaking hand.
“I love you, Cadence,” he said.“I’ve been in love with you since you called us out on losing Calvin at the Fun Day before school started.I was just too scared to admit what that meant.”
My tears spilled.I took a small step toward him, closing that space between us.“I’m still hurt.I’m still angry,” I whispered.
“I know,” he said softly.
“And I don’t know how this is supposed to work.”
“I don’t either,” he murmured.“But I want to figure it out with you.And with the others.”
That finally broke me.I stepped into him, pressing my forehead against his chest as the tears came quietly, but fully.
Paxon wrapped his arms around me so tightly it felt like he was trying to keep me from falling apart.I sobbed at finally being able to feel his hug again.At his scent wrapping around me.He was there again after being gone for nearly too long.
“I’m here,” he whispered into my hair.“I’m here, Cadence.I’m not going anywhere.”
I clutched his shirt, letting myself finally believe him.Even if only a little.Even if only for tonight.I truly wanted to believe in him.
