“It’s okay.It’s okay,” he whispered, voice trembling.“You’re safe.You’re with me.They’re paintballs, Cadence.Only paintballs filled with pretty colors.”
I tried to nod, but everything kept tilting.My fingers wouldn’t stop shaking.The helmet suddenly felt too tight, pressing in on my cheeks, wrapping around my neck.Trapping the heat around my face, choking me.
“I—Toby...”My hands shot up, fumbling with the latch.“I can’t— I need it off.I need—”
“Candy, wait.No,” he said quickly, catching my wrists.“Not out here.You’ll get hit.Just—just one more second, okay?One more.”
But the air inside the helmet tasted stale, too hot, too thin.I felt like I was suffocating inside my own skin.
Then the buzzer blared, ending the match.
Before the sound even finished echoing, I tore the latch open and ripped the helmet off, sucking in a gasp so sharp it hurt.Cold air hit my face.My knees nearly buckled with the force of the breath I dragged in.
Toby was already there, hands on my shoulders, guiding me toward the exit.
I heard someone call out, but Toby was the one to respond.I was too busy gulping down air.
“Okay,” Toby murmured, voice raw, cracking slightly.“Okay, Cadence.Breathe.Just focus on breathing, sweetheart.I got you.”
The moment the door shut behind us, muffling the arena noise, the world felt slightly less dangerous.Less sharp and threatening.The chilly air in the hallway brushed my overheated skin through the gear.
Toby didn’t let go as he yanked off his helmet with one hand and tossed it aside before turning me so he could search my face like he was terrified of what he’d find.
He blew out a breath, his shoulders slumping slightly as his eyes shined, looking at me.“Cadence...I’m so fucking stupid.”
My lip trembled.“T-Toby—”
“No.”He shook his head, stepping closer.“No, I should’ve thought.I should’ve remembered.Loud pops, running, being cornered—fuck, I should’veknownbetter.”His voice cracked at the end, raw and angry.Not at me, but at himself.
I swallowed hard, trying to reach for him, but my hands still shook too much.“Toby.”My voice rasped.“I didn’t know.”
He froze.“What?”
“I didn’t know.”I waved at the arena where another match was already underway.In a whisper, I said, “I didn’t think about it.Not once.I...I forgot paintballs could sound like”—my breath hitched—“like that.”I sunk back against the wall.
Toby’s face twisted, devastated.
He sank to his knees in front of me and took my shaking hands in his, lifting them to his lips for a soft, trembling kiss.
“Candy,” he whispered, “I would never bring you to something like this if I thought it could hurt you.I swear on my fucking soul, I wouldn’t.”
Tears blurred my vision again.“I know.I know that.”
“But it doesn’t matter,” he said, suddenly sounding fierce.“I still did.And you got scared.And...”He exhaled sharply.“I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
I shook my head, tears falling.“You didn’t do anything wrong.I really didn’t know.I didn’t even think about it.”
He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine, his breath shaky.“You scared the shit out of me,” he said quietly.“You don’t even have to tell me anything.As soon as I saw you like that.I knew.You were back there with Ardens, weren’t you?”
I closed my eyes, leaning into him.His hand tightened around mine.Quietly, I said, “You got me out.You pulled me out.That matters.”
He let out a weak, choked laugh.“I’d drag you out of hell if I had to.”
I sniffed.“That’s dramatic.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, wiping a tear from my cheek with his thumb.“I’d skydive into those fiery pits just for you.I watch enough action movies.I know how to deal with the heat, with exploding things, with armies at my back.I’ve been training in case you ever need me to go to hell for you.”
I wasn’t really sure what to say to that kind of declaration.It was absolutely ridiculous but also heartwarming and very much a Toby thing to say.“You have to skydive to go into hell?”I finally asked, my voice still a little raspy.
