And Toby, being Toby, rejected it instantly.It wasn’t that he didn’t care.It was the opposite actually, that he cared too much—loudly, unapologetically, in his Toby way.He wasn’t going to pretend or tiptoe.He didn’t have the patience.
This was their way of saying they were there for me.Even if it was messy.They weren’t pulling away like Paxon had.
More messages came in while I fought against the bubble of emotions rising inside me.
Bryan:You okay?
Justin:Need food?I can be there in 15 with spaghetti.It’s edible.Auntie Laura made it.
Toby:Or 10 if Bryan speeds for us.
Seth:No questions tonight.Just here if you need us.
My throat tightened.It wasn’t the chat we used to have.It wasn’t perfect.It wasn’t whole.But it was real.I stared at the thread, thumbs hovering over the keyboard.They meant well.I knew they did.But it only made the ache sharper because the one voice I needed to see wasn’t there.
Cadence:No.
At this point, I wasn’t even sure what I was responding to with how active the chat had become.There was a pause before Toby was the first to respond.
Toby:Then we’ll be ‘no’ together.
Bryan:That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever read.
Toby:I’m not apologizing.
I almost smiled.Almost.
A few minutes later, my phone rang, Justin’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hey,” I said quietly, hitting the speaker button so I didn’t have to hold it up to my ear.
“Hey,” he replied, voice low and smooth like always.“Just checking if ‘no’ means you want to talk or to leave you alone.”
I hesitated.“Maybe somewhere in between.”
“I can do that,” he said.I could hear the faint shuffle of movement on his end and for a moment I imagined him pacing his living room.“Toby’s making noise again.He says hi.”
In the background, Toby’s voice came through faintly.“Tell her I said she still owes me popcorn!”
I laughed before I could stop myself.It was a small, breathy sound, but real.“You can tell him he’s not getting any.He spilled half the last bowl on my floor, the other half into my couch.”
“He heard that,” Justin said, voice filled with amusement.“And now he’s pouting.”
“Good.”
There was a comfortable pause this time.The kind of quiet that didn’t demand I fill it.
“Come over,” Justin said finally.“We’re watching that terrible action movie Toby loves.The one with the flying motorcycles and zero physics.”
“I don’t know...”
“Please?”Toby’s voice yelled in the background.“It’s not the same without your running commentary.”
“I don’t do that!”
“Sure you don’t,” Toby yelled back.
That earned another laugh.“Fine,” I said, already feeling lighter upon hearing their voices.“I’ll be there in a bit.”
