“Yes, why wouldn’t it be.”
He answered too fast and his body was stiff against me.All of Toby’s normal energy was gone.
“Toby.”
He shook his head.“Nope.We are here for Justin and to honor his mom and sister.That’s what we need to focus on.”
His response felt a little bit like Lindie’s slap.Sharp.Burning.
I bit my lip hard to keep from reacting viscerally to his words.He didn’t mean them that way.
Yet, somehow his rejection hurt more than any time Lindie had slapped me.Like he was drawing this thick, black line between us, as thick as possible to separate us.And it wasn’t nothing.Whatever that was, was definitely important.It had completely drained Toby.While I knew we were all feeling a bit raw, this wasn’t something that should have time to settle.It’d eat at him.
“Toby, don’t do that.”
“Do what?”he asked.
“Dismiss it.Whatever is going on, it isn’t nothing.”I licked my lips, trying to form my words.Toby looked like he was about to run, and I didn’t want to give him that chance.I reached over and gripped his forearms before he could pull away from me.“If we want our relationship to work, then there is something you need to remember.”
Toby stiffened as if prepared to hate what I was about to say.Every inch of him radiated fear, as if he knew—deep down—that whatever I said next had the power to turn his world upside down.
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, needing him to relax.It wasn’t that scary.
“If you need me to stop bugging you, then just tell me.Isn’t that what Seth is always saying to us.To be open and communicate with each other.If I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell me.I promise I won’t let it hurt my feelings.Just don’t push me away like that.”
He squeezed my hand back and finally met my eyes.In a low voice, he said, “Cadence, can we please not talk about this right now.I just want to be here for Justin.He needs us the most right now.And I’m not ready to talk about it.”
I gave him a sad smile.“Okay.I’ll stop.But I do have a but to add on to what I said.”
“What?”he asked, clearly wary now.
“But while I say it’s okay to tell me to stop bugging you, I still want you to know that no matter what is going on with you, I’m here.We all are.Don’t dismiss your problems so easily.You can need us now too even if you think someone else needs us more.Don’t let your emotions fester.”
He swallowed hard and his bottom lip trembled slightly.“Thanks, Cadence.Let’s just go make sure Justin is taken care of first.”He let me go and walked away, leaving me standing there to stare after him and worry.
I had been doing a lot of worrying lately.It was weird to have so many people consuming my thoughts.
