Chapter Twenty
As hard as Janice andI clung together, Toby held on to me.We were practically a ball as the terror and disbelief still lingered.It was nearly impossible for me to wrap my head around it.I think I heard a nurse mutter something about shock when she was looking me over, but I wasn’t quite able to grasp it.
I couldn’t grasp anything.I just kept replaying what happened over and over again in my head.The man who wanted to kill Janice.His knife.The way it sounded when it hit the coatrack.
What if I’d failed at blocking it?Would I be hurt?Dead?
Toby shifted, still hugging me to him, reminding me that I wasn’t by myself.I focused on his warmth.Janice’s too.
I shuddered as more echoes of what happened played in my mind.The man’s cold voice whispered, followed by that damn knife again.I blinked furiously, hoping the memory would go away, but it didn’t help.
Toby only realized what had happened after the police arrived.He had texted me and I finally remembered to let him know.
He had joined us so quickly after that and while he hadn’t said much since arriving, every time he stroked my hair, his hand trembled.Then he’d kiss me and pull me closer to him.It was like he was trying to absorb me or something.I didn’t mind.I needed to feel the warmth of his presence, letting it ground me.
“You’re okay,” he murmured for about the hundredth time, his voice low and strained.“You’re okay.”
Every time he said that, Janice’s hand tightened on mine.She needed the reassurance as much as I did.Both of us were shaking and silent.Not really able to talk much, even with the police.
Erica proved how badass she was once again as she talked with the officers and got on their asses to find the bastard.She cursed up a storm and questioned the entire hospital for daring to let it get to that point.
No one had an answer, and I wasn’t able to fully piece together what everyone was saying.Once I was able to think again, I’d have to ask Toby to fill it all in for me.
“This is my fault,” Janice whispered.Then she was standing over me, her eyes wild.“If it weren’t for me, this wouldn’t have happened.I should have known better.I shouldn’t have come back.It still isn’t safe.”
She kept going, and all I could do was stare at her for half her rant.But her words of self-deprecation slowly pulled me out of my numbness.
“Stop,” I said, but it wasn’t loud enough.She only talked over me.I licked my lips and tried again.Drawing in a full breath, I spoke, my voice hoarse and sharper than I intended.“Cut it out, Janice.”
She froze from running her hand through her hair and finally focused on me.
I softened my voice.“This isn’t your fault, so just stop.”
“He wanted to kill me.”
“Then it’s whoever sent him here,” I said.“Not you.You didn’t put the knife in his hand.Or tell him where to find you.You did nothing wrong.”
Janice blinked furiously and then the tears were falling again.I grabbed her hand in a tight grip, wishing I could absorb her guilt along with my own terror.
“You were both incredible,” Erica spoke, her voice weaker.This whole thing exhausted her, but she was still awake, though probably not for much longer.
Her words weren’t the balm I hoped they’d be.I didn’t feel incredible.I felt fragile, like I was about to shatter into a million pieces if I let go of the thin thread of control I had.
I swallowed hard, my voice barely above a whisper.“I was so scared.”
“You were brave,” Toby said in a thick voice as he pulled me closer.“You protected everyone in this room.”
I shook my head, the what-ifs swirling again.“What if I hadn’t been fast enough?What if the knife—”
