"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Because you're acting like a squirrel that found cocaine in the bird feeder."
"That's—" I paused.
He didn't say anything. Just sat there, massive and patient, waiting me out.
I looked into his eyes. "Can I ask you something? When you and Rhett first... was it weird? After? Did you know what to do the next day?"
Hog nodded. "Ah."
"What do you mean, ah?"
"Nothing. Just—ah." He leaned back, stretching his legs out. "Yeah, it was kind of odd. First time Rhett stayed over, I woke up at 4 a.m. and organized my entire yarn collection by weight and fiber content. Didn't sleep again. Just... sorted yarn. For three hours."
I stared at him. "Really?"
"Couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. Couldn't figure out what to say when he woke up. So I alphabetized my merino."
There was something deeply comforting about the image of Hog—massive, terrifying Hog—stress-sorting yarn at 4 a.m. because his feelings were too complicated.
"What did Rhett do when he woke up?"
"Made coffee. Kissed me." Hog shrugged. "The confusion passes. You just have to survive it."
"What if it doesn't pass?"
"Then you figure out how to be complicated together." He stood, grabbing his bag. "Whoever it is, they saw you. They stayed. That means something. Don't let your brain convince you otherwise."
They saw you. They stayed.
I thought about the three dots. About how Adrian had held me last night like I was something worth holding. About how he hadn't laughed when I talked too much, and he didn't flinch when I fell apart.
He'd just been there. Present. Interested.
The locker room door banged open. Desrosiers and Kowalczyk tumbled in, already mid-argument. I grabbed my tape and started wrapping again.
The ice helped.
The cold hit my face, and some of the static in my head calmed. This I knew. This I could do. The scrape of blades, the echo of the rink, and the smell of cold air and rubber—it was home turf.
I pushed off and let my body remember what it was for.
I felt Adrian before I saw him.
He was setting up near the boards, adjusting a lens with those long, careful fingers. He hadn't looked at me yet. Or if he had, he'd done it while I wasn't watching.
The drill ended. Coach called a water break. Adrian lifted his head. Our eyes met across the ice.
He smiled. Not a big smile. Not ahey, remember when we had sexsmile. Warmth and recognition.
My face flushed despite the cold. He tilted his head toward the tunnel. A question.
I glanced around. Coach was talking to the goalies. Jake was harassing Evan about something. Nobody was paying attention to me.
I skated toward the boards. Adrian met me at the edge of the ice, leaning against the barrier. Up close, I saw the faint shadows under his eyes. He hadn't slept much either.
"Hey," he said.
