“More than I’ve ever wanted anyone,” I reply without having to think about it. “I want forever with her, Jase.”
“Then, don’t let her panic. Show her you’re here to stay.”
“I can do that,” I say. We talk for a few more minutes about random things, and I tell him I’ll let him know when we leave.
We hang up, and I stand from the couch, heading to the front door of the cabin. When I open the door, I spot Hannah in the distance on the swings. She sways back and forth slowly, Arson at her side. One of her hands holds the rope, while the other rests on Arson’s head.
“Hey freckles,” I say as I walk closer. I don’t miss her sniffles or the way she wipes at the tears on her cheeks. Instead of taking my usual swing next to her, I crouch down in front of her. “Don’t cry.”
She waves me off, turning her face away. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” I swipe at a few of the tears on her cheeks.
She shakes her head back and forth. “It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid.”
“Yes, it is. All we’ve wanted the entire time we’ve been here is to go home. Now, we get the call that we can soon leave, and all I want to do is stay,” she mumbles, tears still streaming. “Everything is going to change. What happens to us?”
“I feel the same.” My heart is cracking. All I want to do right now is hold her, tell her I love her and that I’ll never leave her, but I worry that it’s going to be too much. Now certainly isn’t the time to tell her I love her for thefirst time, I know that much. “We have to figure out a new normal when we get home, Hannah. That’s all.”
She nods, but she’s not hearing me. She’s stuck in her head.
“Do you want to call your family?” I ask. She nods, and I pass her the phone. “I’ll leave you to it.”
Hannah nods again, looking down at the phone in her hand.
42
HANNAH
Thomas’s footsteps crunch as he walks away, leaving me alone to my thoughts. The phone sits in my hand like a weight, taunting me. The blank screen begs me to make the call, to hear my grandma’s or my sister’s voice, but yet, I can’t seem to do it.
How is it possible that after such a short period of time I’ve come to rely on someone more than I ever have before? Sure, I’ve relied on my grandma and sister for a long time, but I’m also very independent. I had to be. I’ve lived alone for eight years, and now the thought of going home to my small apartment without having Thomas at my side every night is petrifying. I don’t want to be alone anymore, but yet, at the same time, I know what we have can’t continue. We will get back to reality, and he will forget all about me.
Another minute passes before I build the courage up to dial my grandma’s number. She answers on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Grandma? It’s Hannah.”
“Oh, hi, honey.” Her soft voice soothes me instantly.
“I’m coming home,” I say, my voice cracking as tears stream down my cheeks again.
“Really?” she cries, her voice breaking the same as mine. “That’s wonderful. Julia isn’t here. You have to call her too.”
“I will.”
“When will you be home?” Grandma asks eagerly.
“We don’t know for sure. We got word that it will be early next week.” I sniffle and wipe at my eyes as tears continue to roll down my cheeks.
“That’s wonderful,” she says tentatively. “Why do you sound so sad then?”
Shaking my head, I let out a watery laugh. I’m so ridiculous. “We have a routine here. And now it’s all going to change. I don’t want it to change. I want to go home more than anything. I miss you, I miss my life, and Julia and Tiff, but I’m going to lose Thomas.”
“Who says you’re going to lose him?” Grandma asks.
