“I didn’t mind,” Hannah says. “It was kinda nice waking up with him all over me this morning. I don’t have any pets, and clearly I’ve not cuddled before, so it’s not like I know what it’s like.”
“You’ve never been cuddled?” I ask, my curiosity blooming. I had an inkling that Hannah might be inexperienced, but I don’t think I fully realized just how inexperienced she is. “And why do you say,clearly?”
She shakes her head, kicking at a rock at our feet. Arson chases it as it skitters across the gravel. “I’m not exactly dating material,” she says condescendingly.
“Um, yes, you are,” I retort.
She glances up, her eyes narrowing. “Thomas, you have to be lying.”
I pull her to a stop by our entwined hands. “Why would I lie about something like this?”
She shrugs, turning her gaze away, almost as if she’s embarrassed.
“Hannah, you have to know I’m serious. Everything I’ve said or done to you has been out of my pure desire. I don’tlie, and I would never lie to anyone, let alone you, about this.”
She doesn’t look at me, and my irritation grows. I let go of her hand, and I don’t miss the way she almost shrinks in on herself. We’re through the clearing now, our little cottage visible just barely in the distance. We’re completely alone.
Hannah picks at her fingertips, ripping the skin raw, and even without that tell, I’d know she’s anxious.
I grab her hands, stopping their assault on her fingers, and pull her toward me. I reach out, caressing my fingers up her arm and across her shoulder, and then slowly up her neck until my thumb and pointer finger are gripping her chin. I tilt her face upwards, forcing her eyes to me.
“Stop that,” I tell her.
“I can’t,” she says, and those blue eyes well with tears. “I can’t, because no one has ever wanted me before. The date you took me on? That was my first real date, and the whole time, I was questioning myself, wondering if I’d made it all up in my head and you just wanted to be friends. I’ve never made it past a talking stage, because all guys want with a girl like me is sex, and if I’m too anxious to meet up with someone, then clearly, sex is off the table.”
Tears run down her cheeks, and I swipe them with my fingers, moving my hand to cup her cheeks. “Baby, please don’t cry,” I coo, pulling her into my chest.
She shakes her head in my chest. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. I know I have to earn your trust, but I want to be here for you. I want to get to know you, Hannah, more than I’ve ever wanted to get to know someone. I don’t want you for sex, or anything else. I wantyou, the person.”
Hannah sniffles against my shirt, pulling back. I take her chin between my fingers again. “I’m sorry if I’veever made you feel like I only wanted you for sex, or if you feel that I brought you here for that purpose.”
She shakes her head rapidly. “I’ve never felt that way, not with you. I know you didn’t. I needed to tell you that, because… I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to be in a relationship, even if it’s fake. I don’t know how to talk to people most of the time unless it’s in a work context. So for me to jump from a first date to a fake engagement has been a lot, and it might take me some getting used to, but I want to get used to it. I want to get to know you too, Thomas. I do.”
“Good.”
“I feel like I should tell you something,” Hannah says, surprising me.
“You can tell me anything, freckles.” My heart ramps up in my chest as I think about what she could possibly want to tell me.
She takes a deep breath, holding it and closing her eyes before releasing it. “When you kissed me the other night, that was my first kiss.”
A bucket of cold water could have dropped on me and I wouldn’t feel as cold as I do right now. Regret floods my body. I should not have kissed her in that room. I should have waited, but the thought of not feeling her lips for another moment, not feeling that connection with her, was so painful that I thought maybe if we shared that connection, I’d feel better. I made it about myself. “Fuck, Hannah, I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” she questions, laughing softly. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You asked, and I said yes.”
“But—” I choke on my words, running my hands through my hair. “We shouldn’t have had our first kiss in a gross interrogation room, Han. Our first kiss shouldhave been somewhere meaningful, or something better than that.Ishould have madeyourfirst kiss special.”
“Thomas.” Hannah rests her palm on my chest, and now it’s her turn to calm me down. “You made my first kiss special because it wasyou.”
My heart clenches in my chest, andfuckI need to be closer to her. I step forward, my palm resting on her cheek, then slide it down to cup the nape of her neck underneath those blonde waves. “Can I make your second kiss even better?”
Her eyes grow wide, and her mouth drops open, a soft gasp escaping her lips. “Yes,” she breathes after a long moment.
I bend down, resting my forehead against hers. I can feel the rapid beat of her pulse under my finger on her neck, and I hold in my chuckle. I love that I can make her react like this, because I’m right there with her. I can feel my own pulse thrumming rapidly in my chest, moving as fast as a hummingbird's wings.
“Ready?” I ask, my voice husky as it drops an octave.
