Tiff calms Julia down enough for us to say a teary goodbye with promises to call as soon as I can. If I thought that call was hard, this next one is going to be worse.
I take a minute to breathe, popping another melting piece of ice into my mouth. I dial Grandma’s number, hoping I don’t give her too much anxiety over this.
She answers on the third ring, her voice groggy in her sleep. I can already hear the tense edge to her tone. “Hello?”
“Grandma? It’s Hannah,” I say the words through my tears.
“Hannah? What’s going on?” The anxiety in her voice picks up. Just like that, I lose my ability to speak. It’s like weight has been placed on my windpipe, and I can’t breathe.
“Mrs. Pearson, this is Thomas Cunningham,” Thomas pulls my head into his chest, and I let out a muffled sob. “Hannah is safe.”
“Thomas? What—I’m so confused,” Grandma says.
“We were witnesses to something tonight, and unfortunately, they’ve decided it’s best for us to be sent to a safe house.” He pauses for a moment to let my grandma process. “I’m not at liberty to tell you where, but I need you to know that she’s safe. She’s been anxious tonight, rightfully so, but I’m doing my best to keep her calm, and helping her anyway I can.”
Of course, Grandma, being the woman she is, and the one to be there for me every step of the way during some of my worst panic attacks and social anxiety diagnosis, jumps into protective mode. “She will tell you she’s okay, and she’s not. Make sure she’s eating and drinking enough. If she’s picking at her nails, she’s anxious. Ice can help ground her when it’s bad, as well as tight hugs.”
Thomas nods, as if he’s logging all this into his brain. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Hannah, sweetie? Can you hear me?”
“Yes,” I squeak. “I’m here.”
“I love you, sweetheart. Call me when you can. Thomas will take good care of you, I’m sure. If he doesn’t, he can expect hell to rain down on him,” Grandma says, her voice deepening with the threat. I can’t stop the bubble of laughter that surprises me, creeping up my throat.
“Thanks, Grandma. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. You have to go and keep yourself safe. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I say, and we hang up the call. Thomas holds me against his chest while I sob, my heart aching. I don’t know how long we will be gone, and I’m so worried about them, but she’s right. We have to go to keep ourselves safe.
I pull myself together. “I’m sorry, you have to call your family, too.”
Thomas shrugs. “I’m only going to call Jason. He’ll pass it on to the rest of the family. It would take too long for me to call everyone.”
“But what about your parents? What about—” My stomach sinks as I realize something. “Andrew and Josie’s baby is due soon. What if you miss it?”
“Hannah, it’s okay,” Thomas says, but I can sense thathe’s realizing this at the same time as I am. “I’ll meet the baby when we get home, and it will be fine.”
“Will it, though?” I cry. I pull away from his arms, rising to my feet and pacing. “How is any of this okay?”
Thomas does the same, standing to his full height and following behind me. “It’s not. I shouldn’t have been selfish and told them we were engaged.”
I shake my head. “No. It’s what’s best. I wouldn’t feel safe if I weren’t with you,” I blurt before realizing the words have fallen from my mouth.
“Really?” Thomas asks as I halt in front of him.
“Yeah. I thought about it, saying no, and staying home, but the thought of you having to do this alone, and being here, with no way to contact you and know if you were okay, was worse.”
Honestly, it’s surprising to me, but if there’s one thing I know about my social anxiety, it’s that I can cling to people. So yes, maybe Julia or Thomas finds this out of character for me to suddenly be okay with going to a safe-house with a man I hardly know, but for some reason, my anxiety is making me latch onto him, and I’m okay with it. Maybe it’s a trauma bond, or maybe I truly trust him.
Thomas wraps me up in his embrace again. I have never been in such close contact with someone like this. Sure, in my family we are huggers, but not to this extent. I’ve never been touched like this before, and I can’t help but crave more.
His voice rumbles deep in his chest as he speaks. “Why don’t you have them bring you home while I make the call I need to, that way you have a little extra time to pack. I’ll pick you up in a bit, okay?” he asks, his voice raising.
I get the feeling he wants to make his calls alone, and Ican understand that. I don’t want to leave him, but I will if it’s what he needs.
“Okay,” I say, removing myself from his arms. “I’ll see you in two hours, then?” I confirm.
