I’ve never been to a street dance before, but I understand why people love them so much. The joy and excitement is intoxicating. Everyone is happy, singing along to the classic songs, and dancing their hearts out, whether it be with a partner, a group of friends, or by themselves.
“I’m not a great dancer,” I admit as Thomas turns to face me.
“Neither am I, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun,” he says, and the grin that follows makes me shiver. His sparkling blue eyes focus only on me as we reach the opposite edge of the crowd. Thomas drops my hand, and slowly slides his hand around my waist, resting on my hip as he pulls me into him. Goosebumps scatter across my skin at the sensation of his hands on me, and I inhale sharply.
“Is this okay?” he asks, his eyes searching mine.
“Yes,” I respond, trying to keep my breathing steady. With his other hand, he slides down the length of my arm tolift and rests my hand on his shoulder. Exhaling a shaky breath, I revel in the feel of his broad shoulder under my palm.
I let myself breathe for a moment and try to slow my racing, panicked heart. I can do this. I will not throw up. People do this every day. This is nothing. I’m just touching his shoulder, it’s not like I’m sucking his dick, right?
Oh god, now I’m thinking about sucking his dick.
I clench my thighs to quell the sudden pulsing heat between them, and try to refocus on what is currently happening in front of me.
Thomas wraps me up in his embrace. My free hand flies up to his other shoulder, and just like that, we’re wrapped in the other’s arms. Thomas slowly begins to sway, all while staring into my eyes, keeping me captive with his beautiful eyes.
Thomas holds me close as he hums the old Journey song, every so often singing the lyrics lowly. He has a great voice, smooth with a hint of a rasp. It’s perfect for the song, and all my focus fades into the lyrics of the song.
The song fades into a new one, this one slower. We move to the beat, our bodies growing closer and closer to each other. Our chests are pressed together, and my fingers link behind at the nape of his neck. My anxiety is shoved further down as I do what I can to stay present in this moment. I count down from five, slowing my breathing and closing my eyes to focus on the steady beat of his heart.
We dance for another song until Thomas notices Andrew waving us over. “The pizzas we ordered must be here,” Thomas explains and sadly drops his hands from my waist. The loss of his touch saddens me more than I care to admit.
We head back to the table and sit down. My sister sitsbeside me in an open chair, and I swallow down my nerves over eating in front of all these people. I shove the thoughts that they’ll judge the amount I eat away, and take a slice of sausage pizza from one of the boxes.
Thomas sits beside me and takes a few slices for himself. We eat together while he peppers Julia with a few questions about what she’s been up to since high school, and it sinks in how much older than me he is. I knew there was a nine-year gap between us, but it didn’t truly hit until now.
Thomas rests his hand on my left thigh, his palm warm as I shiver from his touch. It’s such a casual touch that I don’t even think anything of it. I’m learning that he’s a touchy guy. He’s pretty much been touching me from the moment I got here.
I don’t mind it, though. I thought it would stress me out or be too much, but with him, it feels comfortable.
After talking with everyone and finishing the last of the pizza, the band plays the opening notes of a ballad. Thomas squeezes my thigh. “Want to dance again?”
I nod, and we stand.
“We’re going to hit the dance floor again if anyone wants to join,” Thomas says to the group.
The table lets out a few yeses, and soon everyone is standing with their partners and heading to the dance floor. Watching all these happy couples gives me a pang of jealousy deep in my chest. I want the comfort of someone, and yes, Thomas is with me right now, but I can’t let myself go fully into thinking we’re already a couple or something. There’s still that fear that he’s going to let me go once he sees how much of a mess I am.
Thomas wraps his arms around me again as we merge into the sea of people, soothing my fears for now. We sway again, and this time, he pulls me into his chest. My ear ispressed against where his heart is, and I can hear the steady beating of his heart. Thomas bends his head down to rest on the crown of my head.
It’s calming, and it helps me ground myself when I feel myself slipping into anxious thoughts. I close my eyes, soaking in this moment. When I open them, I spot Julia and Tiff a bit away from us, and they glance at me with sweet smiles.
Julia mouths,“He really likes you.” Tiff nods in agreement.
I smile in return and close my eyes again. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, that this is finally happening.
We dance for a bit longer, pulling apart to dance to the more upbeat songs, and Julia steals me away from him when one of our favorite songs plays, and we jump and dance together, and that helps me loosen up even more.
At the end of the song, Julia embraces me in a hug. “If we leave, are you going to be okay?”
I nod. “Yes. Thank you so much for coming. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”
“Yes, you could have,” Tiff says, pulling me from Julia’s arms.
I shrug, not agreeing or disagreeing. “Either way, thank you.”
A moment later, everyone joins us in the little circle we’ve created. “I think we’re going to head out,” Andrew says, gesturing to him and Josie. “Thanks for inviting us, Tommy.”
