My phone buzzes in my back pocket, interrupting my internal crash out.
Thomas
Looking forward to tonight. Make sure you’ve got your dancing shoes on, freckles.
Oh god, oh god. Okay,breathe, Hannah. I need to calm myself. “Grandma?” I turn to her, and she offers me a smile.
“Ready to go, sweetie? I think I have everything I need.”How does she always know?Ever since I was a kid, she’s been the one to know I’m overwhelmed from being in a crowded space or with new people, sometimes before I even realize.
“Yes, please,” I murmur, running a hand through my hair.
I can’t do this.I’m still panicking. Julia is set to arrive any minute, and it’s a good thing, because I’m about thirty seconds from convincing myself I’m not going. I’m sitting on my bed, my bath towel wrapped around me. I’ve been staring into space since I got out of the shower ten minutes ago , my mind whirling with all the things that could go wrong tonight. I mentally tick off the list in my mind.
First, he could see me.
I mean, it’s a pretty real fear. He could see me, realize he, in fact, does not want to spend time with me, realize that I’m not as pretty as he might have thought, and look the other way, pretending that I don’t exist.
Talk about humiliating.
Second, he could try to touch me again. What if he hugs me and it’s awkward? Oh god, he could try to kiss me.
Now, that could be a good thing, unless I panic puke on him, then in that case, it would be very, very bad.
Third, I could forget how to speak.
I could turn into a jumbled mess, and he might think I’m having a stroke. He’d call 911, and all our co-workers would come, and then I’d be more embarrassed.
Knocking on my front door halts my thoughts. “Coming!” I call, rising from the bed and stumbling to my front door. I unlock the deadbolt, pull the door open, and throw myself into my sister's arms.
“I can’t do this,” I say, my voice coming out shaky.
Julia sighs as she tightens her arms. “Yes, you can. We are here for you, but I promise you, Hannah, you can.” Iexhale a heavy breath as a hand rubs up and down my back. Tiff is here too, thank goodness.
“Come on, sis. Let’s go get you dressed,” Tiff says, her voice soothing.
Julia pulls back, resting her hands on my shoulders after she brushes my hair from my face. “You’ve got this.”
They lead me back into my bedroom where my closet has all but thrown up on my bed. Clothes are strewn everywhere in my attempt to find an outfit for tonight, because what I had on earlier is not working. Nothing else I tried on worked either. I feel too frumpy. I can see too many of my rolls.
“I couldn’t decide,” I explain, gesturing at the pile.
“I can see that,” Julia replies, already pulling out a few items. “Sit.” She gestures to my bed.
“Your hair looks great,” Tiff says. “I love how you curled it.”
I reach up to tuck a hair behind my ear. I curled my blonde hair and threw it into a half-down, half-up bun, with a few pieces hanging out to frame my face. “Thanks.”
“Now, we want to go for comfort and cute, since you’re going to be dancing,” she eyes me expectantly, like she knows I want to protest, “and it’s warm out.”
She pulls a light-purple sundress from the pile. “What about this?”
I shake my head. “I don’t want my thighs to chafe, and my undershorts ripped last week.”
She tosses it aside. “Veto.” She picks up another item, a pair of light wash denim shorts, and a lavender bodysuit with a scoop-neck tee that I bought on impulse, but have never worn. “This is perfect.”
I shake my head, reaching out to grab it from her. “No, I don’t even know why I have that.”
“At least try it on,” Julia says, holding it up above her head as I continue to reach. “If you totally hate it, then we will veto it, but you bought it for a reason.”
