“They aren’t important with me,” I explained. “I’m very good at first dates. They’re all I do.”
There was a pause as he processed this. He was a man who didn’t need repeated explanations. “You mean there won’t be a second date?”
“There never is,” I said, sipping my seltzer. I never got tipsy on dates; it ruined the experience. “Don’t take it personally. In fact, you should find it freeing.”
“My God, you’re strange,” he said, a note of soft wonder in his voice.
I took it as a compliment. I leaned toward him, lowering my voice. Maybe it was the candlelight, but I was starting to notice that beneath the nerdy awkwardness, his cheekbones were actually nice, and there was something kind yet masculine about his mouth. “Think about it,” I said. “I haven’t even asked what you do for a living, because it doesn’t matter to me. You can volunteer it if you like, or you can make something up. You can be anything you want. I’ll never know the difference.”
He lifted one of his big hands and scratched the back of his neck, still taking me absolutely seriously. “Okay then, I suppose I’m a…CIA codebreaker?”
“Fantastic,” I said. “Nadia likely told you I’m a model, so I’m not going to bother to lie. So I’ll say that I was born in Madagascar, where my siblings and I were abandoned by our parents and raised among pirates and thieves. We had a little brother, but he was lost at sea, washed overboard in an instant during a storm. We never found hisbody. My father died on the other side of the world, and when my mother heard of our little brother’s death, she drank poison. Quite tragic, really.”
Ethan lowered his hand, and his expression slowly changed to one of comprehension. For the first time, he looked like he was in control of this situation, like he’d just unfolded a map of the place where he was currently lost. “I see,” he said.
My mouth went dry, and I swallowed more of my drink. I didn’t know what he saw, and I wasn’t going to ask. When I lowered my glass, I smiled. “So, tell me, Mr. CIA. Do you know who killed JFK?”
—
He didn’t kiss me at the end of the date, when he brought me to the door of my apartment building. Most men at least tried, but not Ethan. He didn’t press me for a second date, either. This was the game—my game—but for the first time, I wondered if I’d done something wrong. Then I pushed the thought away.
Alone in my apartment, I washed the makeup from my face, and then, standing naked in my bathroom, I brushed my hair and twisted it into a braid. I had no job tomorrow, but the day after, I was booked for a shampoo commercial. I’d stand with my back to the camera, lean my head back at exactly the right angle, and do the upward swipe, my hands under my hair at the nape of my neck and sliding up. At the same time, I’d shake my head so my hair moved back and forth. My hair was glossy, dark, and long, and I was good at the upward swipe combined with the head shake. I’d nail it in one take, maybe two.
I was so very skilled at useless things. If my mother hadn’t drunkenly fallen down a flight of stairs to her death several years ago, she’d be appalled at what I’d become. It was the only reason I ever wished she’d lived a little longer.
I dabbed moisturizer on my skin, put on an old nightshirt, and climbed into bed. It was late. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, hoping for sleep. When I’d put my hand on Ethan’s wrist, I’d briefly felt his pulse beneath the warm skin. He really did have a nice face. I wished now that I’d succeeded in making him laugh, because I wanted to know what it sounded like. But now I’d never know.
I was dozing off when my phone rang on my nightstand. I picked it up without thinking. “Hello?”
My brother’s voice. “Dodie.”
“Vail?” He hadn’t called me since my birthday, because he always called me on my birthday. He had never called me in the middle of the night.
Cold panic bloomed in my gut. This was something bad.
“We have to go back,” Vail said, his voice gruff and pained. “To Fell.”
My heart started a slow, hard, panicked beat in my chest. “No. Oh no. What is this, a joke? Absolutely not.”
“You’re going.” The words were harsh, and I could hear the pain in his voice. “As soon as you can. Ben is—”
“No,” I shouted, so loud that one of the neighbors would hear. “I won’t go, Vail. I won’t, and you can’t make me.”
“Would you be quiet for a second? Ben is there.”
Under the covers, my knees drew up, an instinctive reaction. I didn’t need details. I already knew enough. Too much. “Was it Violet? Did she see him?”
“No, but she’s coming, too. As soon as she can. He’s asking, Dodie. Ben is asking.”
My eyes were stinging and dry, my throat thick. The words came out like molasses. “I have to, don’t I? We all do.”
“I’m getting on a plane in a few hours,” Vail said. “I’ll see you there.”
I hung up, and there was a moment of silence before my phonerang again. Twice in one night? This was unheard of. I picked it up again.
“Hello?”
This time, it was Ethan’s voice. “Dodie? I’m sorry to call so late. Are you all right?”
