“They’re good questions,” he argued.
“I’m too tired for religion or philosophy right now, Bradley. And I have to pee.”
“Fine,” he said, defeated. He pointed back down the hall. “I saw a sign that way.”
I turned and started walking. I caught sight of the restroom sign and aimed for it. There was no one else in this hallway, but at the end of the corridor, people walked by, going about their business. Nurses. Orderlies. Two doctors, walking and chatting. The nurses wore scrubs, not decades-old uniforms. I had been reduced to checking every person I saw, verifying if they were alive.
As I put my hand on the ladies’ room door, a woman paused at the end of the hall and watched me. She was young, pretty, slender. Unlike with Martin Peabody, I recognized her almost immediately, even though I had never met her. I had seen her picture in the newspaper I’d read in the diner, right before I met Gus Pine.
I stood for a moment, looking at her. I could have sworn she saw me, too—truly saw me. I felt no harm coming from her, only sadness. I paused there, taking her sadness in.
I had no idea if I could talk to her, or if I could, what I would say.Maybe that I was sorry. Maybe that I didn’t have answers for her. Maybe that her murder would be solved someday, by someone. But I couldn’t promise that, could I? And until that happened—if it happened—the unfairness of life meant that she would have to wait for justice.
I pushed open the door and walked through it before Cathy Caldwell could follow me.
20
Dodie
“Okay, so I’m not a CIA agent,” Ethan said on the phone. “I’ll tell you the truth this time.”
“Are you sure about that?” I was standing in the kitchen, using the annoying wall phone that didn’t feature anywhere to sit. Why had we never acquired another phone line? Oh, right, because we had no friends to call.
Before we left for the trip to the neighbors’ house, Vail had taken his Jeep to the FunTime Foto at the nearest strip mall to drop off the roll of film he’d taken. He’d used the first half of the roll on some UFO investigation in California, and the second half taking pictures of Ben’s footprints in the upstairs hall. He’d be gone for twenty minutes at most.
While I waited for him, I was alone in the house. I realized my mistake in not going with him the minute the door closed behind him. I didn’t want to be here in the silence—I needed to talk to someone. Ethan had come to mind.
You have my phone number,he’d said.Call me if you need me, Dodie.
Incredibly, he’d answered the phone, even though it was the middle of the day.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said now. His voice sounded more relaxed than it had on our date. “Here goes. I ran away to join the circus when I was ten. I’ve been with them ever since.”
“You must really like the circus,” I said, deadpan.
“Absolutely.” His reply was as serious as mine. “I’m not just a clown now, I’m theheadclown. And you’d be surprised by the benefits package.”
“Oh, thank God,” I breathed out. “I’ve always wanted to meet a sugar daddy with a benefits package.”
We both laughed. His laugh was low and gentle—just as nice as I’d imagined. I was irrationally glad I got to hear it.
“Don’t you want to know where I am?” I asked him. “Why I left New York so suddenly?”
“If you want to tell me, yes.”
I did want to tell him. In all of my years living in New York, I had never talked to anyone about Ben. Ethan was a good listener, and the fact that I didn’t know him very well—or at all, honestly—was a point in his favor. If he thought I was crazy, he could hang up, be done with me with that simple motion, and I wouldn’t blame him. Much.
Besides, he’d guessed about Ben already. I was just giving him the details.
So I talked. I told him about Ben’s disappearance twenty years ago, about the house sitting empty, about Ben calling us back. I told him about Ben’s footprints in the hall and his toys in the attic. I told him how he’d crawled into my bed last night, as real as he’d ever been. That particular memory should have scared me, but it didn’t. In the light of day, it was the best memory I could imagine. It felt less like a haunting and more like a gift.
Ethan listened quietly. I couldn’t see his face to catalog hisexpression, but he didn’t hang up. Maybe he just wanted to hear my crazy story to the end.
“It’s okay if you think I’m delusional,” I said when I’d finished. “I understand.”
He cleared his throat. “It’s surprising,” he admitted. “But if you’re delusional, then you’re sharing the delusion with your sister and your brother. That is, if you’re telling me the truth.”
“I’m waiting for my brother to get back from the photo place,” I said, deciding I may as well pile it all on. “Then we’re going to break into the neighbors’ house while they’re away. You can see why I only ever go on first dates.”
