Sensing her shock, Dominic glanced her way. “It was either her or me,” he said simply. “The second one . . . ” His eyesgleamed beneath the stars, suddenly full of misery. A blink and it was gone. “She was in love with another. I wasn’t good enough for her.”
“I’m sorry,” Adara murmured, a hand resting on his shoulder. “No one deserves to feel like they’re not good enough. Not even you,” she added with a sad laugh.
Dominic laughed, but it died too quickly. “I’m sorry he died,” he said, his tone suddenly grave. “I’m sure he was a good person.”
“He was.” Biting her lip, hoping for the physical pain to distract from the storm brewing in her head, Adara responded, “Much too good for someone like me.” She trained her vision on the stars once more. A wave of silence passed over them, save for the gentle breeze rustling the paper lanterns strung over the streets and the waves crashing against the shore below.
“You were right.” It was so quiet. Her voice was barely audible.
Dominic looked over at her. “What?”
She smiled and shook her head. “You heard me. I'm not repeating myself, so you get the satisfaction of hearing me say it twice.” His only response was a laugh as he waited for her to elaborate. “About what you said after I told you about the shadow steel and dragon scale being in Blemythia. I destroy everything I touch. Iamthe reason everyone I’ve cared for is dead. I’m a plague, a curse. I am the gods’ death incarnate.” She huffed a bitter laugh.
Images of the past jammed themselves into her mind. All the crimes she’d committed in Lykrios, all the people she’d killed, all her loved ones she’d watched die. If the memories weren’t proof enough that she destroyed everything she touched, the scars on her hands and the permanent crimson from blood in her hair were. A gift from the gods as a reminder of who she was, who she was always meant to be.
Dominic shifted his position, turning to face her and propping his head up on a fist. “Adara, I told you I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that.”
“That doesn’t make it any less true.” She’d gotten everyone killed. It washerplan to escape,herplan to ally with all the kingdoms for a war against the empire,herplan that got the heirs killed. The future of Blemythia wasgonebecause of her.
A warm hand cupped her cheek, and Adara found herself leaning into his calluses that lightly scraped against her skin.
“Don’t say that. It’s not your fault, love. It’s not your fault the universe takes away the things we love most in this world.”
“Then it is my fault for loving them and condemning them to such a wretched fate.” She should have died with them.
He shook his head slowly, the motion pained and exhausted. “Others may think we're monsters, Phoenix, but we’re only human. We can’t help who we fall for. We can only hope that they catch us.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe him with all her heart, but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive all her sins.
She was a monster. She had destroyed everything.
Adara’s hand drifted to the key around her neck. “But he’sgone.” Her breath hitched, tears suddenly pricking her eyes. Gods, she hated crying, but the tears were a way to release what had built inside of her rather than releasing the flames. “Callan is gone.” She didn’t know what finally overtook her to speak his name. And as much as it hurt, it also feltgood.It was a relief to finally tell someone, to lift the weight off her chest.
Besides, their stories deserved to be told. They did not die for nothing.
“You never said how he died.” Dominic pressed gently.
Adara’s heart lurched at the memory. Her back digging into the blood-drenched ground. The cool bite of a knife along her throat. Cal’s white-knuckled grip on the hilt of the blade, eyesderanged and feral, blood spattered on his face. Her pleas for both Cal to stop trying to kill her and for Alec—who stood before them with an arrow nocked in his bow aimed at Cal—to hold his fire.
Cal had come back to his senses just as Alec released the arrow. She had begged and begged him to lower the bow, to not shoot, no matter how close Cal was to killing her. Alec’s eyes held nothing, and he did not listen.
“We were betrayed by a close friend,” Adara said. “Cal died at his hands.” Although Alecsander, as well as Callan, had been under some sort of mind control by the Shadow Empire, Adara couldn’t help her rising anger and the power that crackled at her fingertips. She folded her fingers into her palm, suppressing the urge to burn something down. “It wasn’t his fault,” she continued, needing to throw the words, the memories, out of her mind and into the open air where they could run free instead of pounding against her skull. “I don’t want to be mad at him, but part of me still is.” She couldn’t help but think if Alec had fought a little harder, would the three of them have been able to make it out alive?
Callan had snapped back to himself, granted it was with Adara’s help after she broke through the control herself. But she had seen the defeat in Alecsander’s eyes. He’d given up. And they both had paid the ultimate price for it when the arrow flew through the air at the same time Adara had thrown a knife to stop Alec’s shot.
Trying to hide her wavering voice was a fruitless effort. “It wasn’t his fault,” she repeated, tears welling in her eyes. Lacing her fingers together over her stomach to hide their shaking, Adara focused on the warmth in them. Her power roiled beneath her skin, like she was burning on the inside. Like she would combust if the memories were locked inside her any longer.
So she continued to talk to Dominic, who didn’t dare interrupt her. Who looked at her pained expression and mirrored it. A tear fell, steam rising from her cheek in its track. Another followed. Then another.
Dominic reached out to wipe them away. He hissed at the boiling teardrops that seared his skin, but did not back away. Using his power, an icy wind swept in, coating her like a frosty blanket. She shivered at the sudden cold, but felt immediate relief.
“He wasn’t in his right mind,” Adara went on. “He was trying to protect me and I . . . I killed him.”
Dominic brushed a strand of hair from her face, hooking it behind her ear. His cool, gentle touch was soothing, encouraging.
“I was overwhelmed by fear and betrayal. I never got the chance to forgive him.” She shook her head. Shame washed over her at the thought of Alecsander dying with the belief that Adara truly hated him. “Then I watched Cal die in my arms as he yielded his key to me, and I realized he wasn’t my soulmate.”
“I made three promises that day—to Cal and myself. I promised him that I would live out the rest of my life, for myself and for him. It was his last request.”Live, Adara. Live . . . for me.She had only nodded her head, tears rolling down her face as she squeezed his hand in hers, and promised that she would live because he could not. “I promised to never fall in love again because all it leads to is pain and misery.”
