As a ghost, Damon could hear Lance’s thoughts. It sickened him to know how much contempt his brother felt toward him. Yet could he blame the man? Lord help him, he’d always known Lance had feelings for Rachel. And he’d also been aware that his wife was totally oblivious to them. Hell, from the first day they’d met, the woman only had eyes for his sorry ass.
Being loved so deeply had filled his needs for the first few years. Those were the times when he’d made up his mind to be a good man, play by the rules, which meant no cheating in any part of his life. Work hard, go home at night to his little wife, and be responsible. And he’d managed it all until the kids moved in on his territory.
Having to share the limelight with one baby had been difficult but seeing the way the tiny sweetheart loved her daddy had struck a chord inside. Every time someone mentioned how his beautiful little girl looked just like him, he’d swelled with pride. Maybe if they’d only had the one child, he could have played the role longer. Unfortunately, Nico came along, and the daddy act quickly became old and tired.
Nico cried. A lot. Unlike Rosie, he didn’t take after Damon. Instead, he had his mother’s blonde looks, blue eyes, and shy character. Because of his neediness, Rachel had become the protective mama bear for their boy, which left him out of the circle. He’d hated being shuffled aside for the kid’s constant demands.
Now he saw clearly that rather than step up and help Rachel, he’d begun to stay away. Once that stud image took place in hishead, he’d started acting like one, and the women were more than happy to provide him with the adoration he used to get at home.
Living his brother’s memories made him sorrier than he’d ever been. It was one thing to regret his choices with his wife and kids, but it was another to realize that the man he’d known and loved his whole life held him in such low esteem.
His head bowed but the images didn’t stop. Like a reel of film run amuck, they kept coming with no relief.
Zeroing in on the jobs he’d screwed up appeared next in the vicious cycle of reliving. Now he understood that his brother had seen his shoddy work clearly but hadn’t said anything because of Rachel and the kids.
And since he hadn’t cared, he now saw through Lance’s eyes the many customers he’d pissed off because he’d wanted to leave before the work had been finished. And the paydays he’d taken his salary knowing he didn’t deserve half of the money. How many times had Lance come along to soothe ruffled feathers and make things right? And how often had he paid him the high wages, knowing he didn’t deserve even half of what he got?
God only knew.
Weakened by this knowledge, he shrunk into the waiting mist, disappearing to lick his wounds.
Chapter Six
Rachel appreciated Lance coming to update her on the horrible event. Being hugged close meant the world to her. A soft feeling of love surrounded her and soothed her broken spirit.
Then niggling unease gushed again. Her heart told her she needed to leave… go back to the scene. Something drove her. A feeling so intense it couldn’t be ignored.You need to be there.She didn’t understand it. If she had to put it into words, she’d have said that Damon called to her.
But that sounded ludicrous. How could she explain this ridiculous craving to Lance?
She stepped back and looked into his face. “Would you do something for me?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“Would you see the kids off to school this morning?”
He stiffened before asking, “Why Rachel?”
Unable to look him in the face and yet unable to lie, she stood with her head bowed. “He’s calling to me, Lance. I have to go back to the building site.”
Lance’s body heaved from a sigh so deep it forced her to look into his face. Their eyes caught and for the first time ever, she saw the deepest green pools of love no sane woman could ignore. She’d always known he cared for her and the kids but this… this intensity made her weak. Then he looked away and the moment was broken.
“Of course, I will.” Tension sparked and his voiced cracked. “I’ll always help you and the kids with whatever you need. But, Rachel, I can’t let you destroy yourself.” When she stiffened, he questioned, “Do you understand?”
“I-I think so.”
“Grief is normal, understandable, and acceptable. But guilt is a waste of your emotions. Look, I loved him too. Many times to my detriment because he played on that, played me like a harp, and I never stopped him. Enabling that kind of behavior became his downfall. Guess I always expected him to control himself, not understanding that the child in him never could or would.” His hands curved around the back of his neck. His stance that of a sad man trying to explain something he wasn’t sure of himself. Then he admitted, “Since the incident, he’s been on my mind a lot too. So I do understand.”
Rachel couldn’t believe that Lance had such insight into his brother. Or that he could be so vocal and perceptive, a man who seldom talked more than a few words unless he joked with the kids. These painful moments, when she needed a friend, she knew he’d be there, listening, understanding, yet cautioning her not to go too far down that rabbit hole of misery. He made her feel safe.
Unthinking, she dove back into his arms and hugged him as tight as he’d allow. Gushing, she spoke quickly, “Thank you, Lance. He was so lucky to have you as his brother. I love you.”
Then she’d rushed to get ready and left before he could change his mind. On the way back to the section of town that hadbeen devastated by the earthquake, she thought about what had just happened. About how she’d reacted to Lance, telling him she loved him. How shocking that might appear when moments earlier she’d confessed to him about telling her husband she no longer felt that way about him.
Lance’s face appeared in her mind and instantly brought a smile. The shy man had always been around, living in the background of her marriage. The guy who’d step in to babysit whenever Damon could convince her to leave the kids and pay some attention to him.
Suddenly, a scene unfolded in her memory. One night, Damon’s irritation had blown up into a rampage. “Rachel, that kid never shuts up. Can’t you do something?” Nico had been teething and the redness on his checks and his swollen gums proof that it wasn’t going well. She knew that some babies had a harder time than others. Unlike Rosie, Nico suffered much more.
“Damon, he’s teething. He can’t help crying, he’s in pain. I’m sorry if it bothers you.”
