Because of Lily, he had changed.
Just not for the better.
Chapter Seven
Lance checked on the kids and saw that they were both awake and nestling quietly together with Rosie reading Nico hisfavorite story. It always amazed him how wonderful a big sister Rosie was for her brother. She chided him when he misbehaved, sure. Teased him unmercifully when she got in a cheeky mood. But often she praised him on many of his accomplishments, sounding a lot like her mother.
Unable to look away, he stared at the beautiful child. Thank goodness her father’s looks went only skin deep, and her mother’s personality shone through the big green eyes she’d inherited from Damon’s side. Eyes the same color as his that his own mother had passed on to him.
Maybe that explained why he felt such a link with the little girl. And when she approached and slid her hand into his, he felt like a giant, his heart bursting to where he wondered why no one else saw the delight he couldn’t hide. Knowing himself well, understanding his own flaws, he admitted that it would be difficult for anyone to know him when he refused to look them in the eyes. Especially Rachel.
Those who he allowed into his world seemed to like him, even admire him and that satisfied the simple need most humans have to be noticed.
Rosie saw him at the doorway and flashed him one of her prettiest smiles before her face turned sad. “She left, didn’t she?”
He didn’t need a name. They both knew who she meant. “Yes. She did. I’ll get you two monsters to school this morning. What do you want for breakfast, kids? Pancakes?”
Tempting them with a favored treat, he hoped Rosie would let go of the sorrow, but she didn’t. Instead it turned to anger. Her voice loud with condemnation, Rosie yelled, “Why does she care more about Daddy than us? He’s dead.” When she saw the shock Lance didn’t have enough time to hide, she added, “That’s what it says on the news. They said it’s been too long for anyone else to survive.”
Lance walked closer and saw that Nico had hidden his face against his sister’s side. The boy hated confrontation as much as Rosie seemed to enjoy wallowing in it lately.
Unwilling to let the girl behave in such a way, Lance’s face turned as serious as his voice. “Stop that. You getting mad at your mom isn’t helping anyone, especially you or Nico. And I don’t like it.”
Instantly, Rosie shrunk back into being a little girl, regretting her outburst. “I’m sorry Uncle Lance. I say things I don’t mean sometimes.”
He moved over to gather both kids in his arms and kissed Rosie’s hair. “Baby, you’re entitled to your thoughts, and it’s so much better to say them out loud than to let them eat away at you inside. If I get angry at some of the things you say, it’s because I understand that you only have half the picture. And from a child’s point of view it’s easy to criticize what you don’t fully understand. Your mom loves your daddy… very much. They’ve been together for more than twelve years. She’s grieving for him, and if that means she doesn’t have a lot of time for you kids for the next little while, we have to let her do what she needs to do… and still support her. She’ll come back to us. I promise.”
Rosie had been staring into his face while he talked, and he watched her expression soften before she laid her head on his chest. “I love you, Uncle Lance.”
Hearing those same words from the child after having heard them from her mother exploded the happiness he normally kept leashed. God, how could he handle this adulation after all the hungry years he’d lived without it? Frankly, from decades of watching another destroy the special world he didn’t appreciate at all, always hanging back on the sidelines and saying nothing, he’d suffered tremendously.
Jealousy – he didn’t think so.
Envy – oh yeah.
***
Rosie loved her Uncle Lance. Next to her mom and Nico, he was her favorite person. He always knew what to say, without making her feel guilty. Having her world turn so shitty lately, she had a hard time behaving, and it was all her dad’s fault.
If only she hadn’t heard her daddy talking such disgusting things with another woman on the phone, she wouldn’t be so mad all the time. He’d described things they were going to do together, and even at her age, Rosie knew only married people were supposed to act that way and only with each other. Not with anyone else.
But her daddy intended on doing those icky things with whoever he was talking to. The idea made her feel like the last time she’d thrown up… her mouth filling with a sourness that churned in her stomach. Fighting it, she’d run outside to hide in the bushes, breathing hard so as not to empty her tummy. If only she could tell someone about what she’d heard. Get help in understanding adult stuff that left her with feelings she hated. Feelings like being desperate, mixed up, and confused.
At first, she’d thought to say something to her Uncle Lance. But Daddy was his brother. So she dithered back and forth, not sure of what to do. And then something happened to make her change her mind. The day she’d decided to ask her uncle to take her for a walk so they could talk, she’d seen him following her dad into the house, his arm around Damon’s shoulders, laughing about something men seem to find funny. Seeing that moment between the brothers made her shrink away and stopped her from saying anything. Her instincts warned that Uncle Lance would be upset and disappointed, and it would be the last thing she wanted.
Hurting her uncle made her head ache as bad as her tummy. She just couldn’t. And telling her mom was totally out of thequestion. Would her mom even believe her? Did a lady want to know about someone else doing those things with her husband?
Unable to decide what to do, days of disturbing thoughts passed until it became weeks and then months, and she still hadn’t said a word. During that time, having her daddy touch her made her cringe. Which pissed him off… or that’s what he’d say to Rachel. “What’s wrong with Rosie? Her behavior is starting to piss me off. She’s turning into a real brat. Can’t you discipline her?”
Unwilling to stick up for herself, because the only way to do so would be by spilling her secret, telling them what she’d overheard, the mess just intensified. Knowing her confession would create a bad storm, one she didn’t know how to handle, she stayed quiet, ignoring him. As time moved on, it got easier to act out rather than tell all.
What she didn’t understand, was why she got so mad at Rachel? Why she’d be so naughty, behaving like a real jerk for no good reason. Unable to stop herself, she’d blame her mother, and as each day followed another, it got easier to be a-a little shit as her dad nicknamed her. In fact, the tantrums and screaming felt good… like a relief from the stress inside.
Another thing bothered her more every time she thought about it… like why didn’t Rachel know that Rosie had a problem? One she couldn’t talk about. Weren’t mothers supposed to sense these things… to understand when their kids needed help?
Having to keep her misery inside made her feel lost, alone… and madder each day. Scared she’d burst and blurt out the secret, she talked to God every night, begging for help to keep her mouth shut and for him to find her a way to forget.
***
