Silence fell between us as he processed that. A car door slammed and voices drifted from further up the ramp. Uncomfortable with his penetrating gaze, I started to babble. I couldn’t find the off switch either. Words just kept spewing out, miring me deeper in idiocy.
“I don’t even know why I thought you’d be staying. You’re living in a hotel. That’s the definition of temporary. Your whole life is somewhere else and you must be getting pretty homesick by now. You’ve been here weeks and weeks without seeing your family or friends. I hate to imagine the piles of mail you’ve got waiting. All the food in your refrigerator has probably turned into a science experiment, and you have to be insanely annoyed at having to wear the same clothes over and over. Staying here has put your whole life on hold. You must be dying to get back.”
Every sentence added a pebble in my throat, which I could only hope would dam up my verbal diarrhea. Instead, they just made my throat ache. Coincidentally, my eyes started burning, too, as rebellious tears threatened.
I finally resorted to biting my tongue. Hitching my purse higher on my shoulder, I tangled my fingers in Ajax’s ruff. He leaned against me, offering comfort. “Anyhow, I should get going. You don’t want to be late for your flight. I’ll come back later and clear my stuff out of the suite, so you can check out. I can stay with one of the girls.”
I hesitated. Should I kiss him goodbye? A peck on the cheek, maybe? Or a hug? Or just go? He seemed disinclined to move. The pebbles in my throat melded into a boulder. Any minute now, I was going to have a royal meltdown with lots of tears and snot. I needed Damon tonotsee that.
I forced a smile. “Okay, so text me when you get a chance and let me know how you are.” With that, I spun around and strode away. I made three steps before he spun me back around.
“Text you? Seriously, Beck?”
He didn’t sound as annoyed as I probably would have been. In fact he sounded exasperated and maybe a little amused. Not the reaction I was expecting, but I suppose it only reinforced the fact that whatever he thought he felt for me, he also knew it wasn’t going anywhere. It occurred to me then that he hadn’t told me he loved me since my last near-death debacle. That had to be a sign. Walking the edge of death just to keep the romance going didn’t seem all that healthy.
Damon tugged me toward him, but I held myself away, my body stiff. When I wouldn’t move, he stepped closer.
“Look at me.”
I shook my head and stared at the cinderblock wall. “I’m good.”
“I’d really rather not talk to the side of your head.”
“Shouldn’t you be going to pack? Your trip sounded pretty urgent.”
He sighed. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
“That actually counts as a response, so really, you did dignify it. Whatever that means.”
“I misspoke.”
“That’s what I just said.”
“I misspoke about the trip. About going home.”
I frowned and accidentally looked at him. “How so?”
“Finally.”
He captured my face between his palms, so I couldn’t turn away. Not that he needed to hold me. The intensity of his gaze fixed me in place. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. I could hardly even breathe.
“I need you to hear me, Beck. Are you listening?”
“Be hard not to. I’m not deaf.”
His mouth curved. “Good. Then understand this. My only home is here, with you.Youare my home. You’re my gravity, the center of my universe. Nothing about me being here is temporary. I’m going to be back here as soon as humanly possible, and while I’m gone, I’m going to be wishing with all my heart I was here. Please don’t move out. I don’t want to come back to a cold, empty room. I want to think of you sleeping in my bed. Inourbed, and know you’ll be waiting for me when I come back.”
My breath caught in my chest. My eyes went so wide I must have looked like I didn’t have eyelids, and the tears I’d been keeping at bay overflowed. My heart pounded ninety miles a minute.
Damon’s brow creased and he slid his hands down to my shoulders. “Tears, Beck? You never cry.”
That seemed to kick me out of frozen rabbit mode. I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please. Of course I cry. All the time. It’s a perfectly normal human response to all sorts of emotions. I’m not a robot, you know.” Even though he called me one.
“I know, believe me. Would you mind telling me why you’re crying? It’s killing me a little.”
“I didn’t even know you could kill in increments. I thought it was an either/or sort of situation. Sort of like being pregnant.”
“Turns out, you can. Are you going to tell me?”
