I turned my attention to Alec. “You’ve been rejecting succubi?”
“I figured if you could tell a bunch of incubi no, I could tell a bunch of succubi no. It was a challenge to see if I had the emotional fortitude to handle daily temptation. He’s been sending succubi over daily since the day I joined the academy. I made them dinner, and when they discovered I’m barely capable of cooking, they gave me daily cooking lessons. I’m no longer a scourge upon this world—or at least a scourge upon any kitchen I step into.” Alec gave the stingray a final pet before joining us. With zero evidence of caring, he faced the Devil, and stole my phone. “Hey, Darlene. How are you tonight, sweet angel?”
Lucifer’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t even get mad at him, because whenever he does that, she becomes so damned happy.”
I patted his shoulder. “It’s okay. She is a sweet angel, and it does not appear he’s flirting with her.”
“Her favorite hobby is torturing fucking assholes in my many hells, and you two think she’s an angel.”
I grinned at Lucifer’s disgruntled tone. “She protects my coffee. This is important. I have never seen her be anything other than an angel.”
“Haven’t you learned angels are assholes yet?” the Devil asked, scowling at me.
I had, although I appreciated Sariel’s asshole tendencies, and I made a point of sending him a card once a month thanking him for sparing me from a living hell within my uterus. “But she’s a nice angel.”
“Sorry about that, Darlene. I suspect Josefina is hungry, so she’s getting snappy at your husband. This sort of entertainment can’t be purchased for any price. At what point should I save him?”
Lowering his head, Lucifer muttered something and sighed. “Outdone by mere mortals.”
“She says you should come home so she can tend to your mortal wounds. She is offering to kiss it all—”
The Devil disappeared in a faint cloud of sulfur, and I coughed, waving the fumes out of my face. “Well played, Alec. I thought he’d never leave.”
“Darlene hasn’t fed in a week, she’s hungry, and he’s been busy with really important matters, so he’s hungry, too. The chiefs texted me earlier and asked that I make sure he headed home for some attention before one of them snapped and killed somebody. While you two were verbally sparring, she confirmed there will be dinner at our hotel along with a few presents in the form of gaming laptops. We’re children who need toys. I have no idea why she thinks that, but I’m not going to argue, not when I get a free gaming laptop. Our salary does not allow for gaming laptops without a lot of preplanning.”
Damn. Alec had played the Devil. “Has anyone told you competence is sexy?”
“I may have heard something like that, from the incubi determined to figure out how you tick. For some reason, demons keep showing up and dropping hints when they aren’t teaching me important life skills, like how to cook, clean, and not bring shame to my household.”
“They made you be domestic?” I rubbed my brow above my eyes, questioning everything about my life. “I don’t know if I should be sorry on their behalf or concerned you needed lessons—or disgusted at myself to understand how much I appreciate someone who can handle half the household chores.”
“Honestly, I expect to do most of the chores. I do my best thinking when I’m cleaning, and it only took a succubi a few weeks to teach me how to clean effectivelyandmindlessly so I could think while I work. And cooking is like math with food, and I really like mathandfood.”
I picked up the pharmacy bag, gathered everything I had brought with me, made certain I had my cruiser keys, and nodded my satisfaction over my checks. “I am finding those FBI and CDC liaisons, and I am telling them we are going to the hotel, where we will be inaccessible for twelve hours. I’ve been told there will be food at our hotel, and I’m sure I can figure out a math problem you can help me solve.”
“What sort of math problem?”
“It’s a very complex algebra equation.”
Alec snickered. “Algebra, is it?”
As I wore the ugliest sports bra on the planet, he’d get to witness my bra vanish and become a mystery. “Chemistry is science, so we’ll have to play with that after we explore the mathematical possibilities of algebra.”
“How long does it take to ditch the FBI and CDC?”
“Good question, but if they know what’s good for them, less than five minutes. I’m hungry.”
“Are you, now?”
I smirked at his tone, which implied he’d caught onto the double nature of my comment. “Starving, even, and I have plans on enjoying dessert tonight.”
