The hagfish seemed like an easier problem to deal with. “Is wiggling while stuck to the wall dangerous? This is definitely among the more disgusting of the cases I’ve been assigned.”
“Honestly, I’m impressed it’s still stuck to the wall,” he admitted. “At the rate it’s going, the chiefs will get here before it actually hits the ground. At least it doesn’t seem to be burning through the paint.”
“Yet. It doesn’t seem to be burning through the paintyet.” I joined Alec near the door and kept a close eye on the hagfish. “I can’t even blame your curse on this one. Samuel likely used the case as an excuse to pluck you out of the academy.”
“He’s been looking for a reason for weeks. My instructors put me on notice I’d end up with a lot of on-the-job training. They shuffled my education schedule so the fraternization course was part of my introduction to the academy.”
I snorted a laugh at that. “That’s not just sending hints. That’s bludgeoning you with them. Let’s start with a friendship, Alec. If you can handle being stuck with me for three weeks at work and then come to my place for games every evening for the same period of time, and we haven’t tried to kill each other, then there might be something to their matchmaking ways. Be forewarned, however. The precinct is loaded full of busybody matchmakers. There is no escaping. If you aren’t being matched with someone, you’ll end up being sucked into the matchmaking ploys. It’s contagious—and prone to leading to surprisingly happy relationships as far as I can tell. I’m the precinct’s most stubborn woman at this stage.”
“So I have been warned. When I suggested they just let you decide how to handle things, they stared at me like I’d grown a second head or something.”
I gestured to the hagfish, which concluded its adventure to the floor and writhed around in a puddle of its own slime. “Do you think it’s a magical hagfish, Alec? It’s produced at least ten times its body size in slime so far, and it hasn’t died yet. Do hagfish need water to survive? I’m concerned.” While I hoped the hagfish survived its misadventure and use in someone’s murder, someone else could sacrifice their body and sanity dealing with it.
I had lines.
Handling the hagfish crossed those lines.
“I don’t know what it is, but honestly? I never thought I’d say the fish scares me more than the magical teleporting steamroller.”
I thought about it, and I nodded my agreement. “Insane caustic mucus fish are definitely scarier than the magical teleporting steamroller. That one went in the cold case pile, by the way, in case you were wondering.”
“I was, actually. Do you think that was the perfect crime?”
“You know what? I’m really not sure. Think we’ll get hazard pay for this?” To my relief, I heard footsteps outside of the door, and I took the opportunity to escape the room and its many horrors. I decided Chief Samuel Quinn deserved most of my wrath, as his cindercorn wife would be handling the cleanup jobs she abhorred. “You are a horrible person, Chief Samuel Quinn!”
“Middle name Le-vit-i-cus. Use, diss-uh-prov-ing-ly,” Bailey instructed.
As the cindercorn would heave sighs until I obeyed her, I dutifully altered my scolding and said, “I am going to need therapy for what happened in that room, Chief Samuel Leviticus Quinn!”
“What happened?” he asked with a raised brow.
“I reached into the box and got a handful of hagfish. Then I threw it, it stuck to the wall, and oozed down. Now it’s writhing on the floor. I’m going to feel guilty if it dies. I even screamed before throwing it. It was an instinctive reaction.”
Perky, who got saddled with the precinct’s odd jobs thanks to his education as a doctor, strolled down the hall with a sloshing bucket in hand. “We will attempt to assuage your guilt, McMarin. Did any of the evidence survive?”
“I don’t know. Ask me after you find out if the hagfish makes it. It’s evidence now.” I wrinkled my nose. “We got a good number of photographs before I located the hagfish, but I don’t know if the box with the practitioner working survived under all that slime—or if it’s responsible for the appearance of the hagfish.”
“We’re naming this the Fishy Case,” Perky informed me.
“And I’m guessing you’re expecting me to tackle it, bait in our perp, and balance the scales of justice while I’m at it,” I replied in my driest tone.
“It’s like you work here or something.” Without bothering with any safety gear, he strode into the slime-filled room and headed for the rogue fish.
“Safety gear is a thing, and I don’t care if your wife is around to pull her damned tricks,” I hollered at him.
“I was actually the one who pulled the tricks this time,” Samuel admitted. “It would have taken twenty minutes to gear him up, and the CDC likes yelling at me that I need to justify my paycheck through practical usage of magic. He’s basically wearing an invisible layer of hazmat clothing, and I’ll dispel it once he’s detoxed. He just wants the hazard pay so he can buy more toys for his kids.”
As Perky had four kids with another one on the way, he needed all of the hazard paychecks he could get his hands on. “Maybe I should give him my share of the hazard pay.”
“You need your hazard pay to pay for the board games we all know you want, and we also know you’re eyeballing a gaming computer. If you don’t want us to know what you’re lusting for, you shouldn’t sigh wistfully at it in the break room while hoping you catch Bailey and you can guilt her into making you coffee.”
Damn. At the rate he was busting me, I would need to hand over my badge and ask to be escorted to the nearest holding cell. “Four kids is enough to rattle somebody, but he’s going to have another in a few months, Samuel.”
“You’re fretting, McMarin. Perky is only half of the puzzle that is the Perkins household, and they’re perfectly capable of handling the next kid to come along.”
According to Perky’s snort, he did not agree with our chief’s statement, and even the cindercorn whinnied her laughter.
“Next time, you re-mem-ber you need birth control, silly Perky.”
