Every time Gage pulled me aside and told me it was okay. That I was okay. Every time Diego dropped off a container of empanadas in my office when I’d forgotten to eat, completely taken over by my fixations. My puzzles.
Even Em has comforted me, I realize. The other night when he simply told me he wasn’t mad at me…
And Auryn’s comforted me, too. With her shocking purr. With her sweet voice and taunting words. I know what it feels like to be comforted, so surely I can do the same. Right?
I slide my hand over hers where it rests on my chest. I pick it up gingerly and slip my fingers between hers like Gage did to Diego in the lab.
I squeeze her hand.
She looks up at me as she squeezes back.
“Tell me…” I suck in a breath because my mind is now racing with a hundred things I want to say, my heart racing right along with it. “Tell me what you need,Auryn.” I implore her with my gaze.
She keeps my hand in hers, wordlessly tugging me as she walks backwards toward her bed.
“Tell me,” I say, trying to make her understand. I’m so worked up from everything that’s happened, I’m not even sure Icanget hard at the moment, even if I wanted to. There’s too much going on in my brain, too much going on in this compound. The stakes are too high.
If I can’t fuck her, will she will be mad? Will she leave? Will she no longer want me?
My heart breaks at the idea.
I don’t want her to leave me because I’m different.
Honestly, until we had sex, I didn’t really think I was capable of it. Yes, I experienced erections, and yes, I masturbated once in a blue moon, but sex with another person has never been something I inherently desired in the way my peers or the alphas did.
I was terrified every step of the way to her room. What if I got soft? What if I wasn’t able to satisfy her in the way she needs? I’m not an alpha. I don’t have a knot.
I’m not tough like they are, I’m not built like them. Figuratively and literally.
But all those worries faded away when she took charge of me.
She told me what to do, and I did it. It was simple.
And it did feel good. Nerve wracking, yes, but it wasn’t bad. I came. A lot, but then it had been a while since I did, so that was to be expected.
I didn’t hate sex. But the act itself wasn’t what satisfied me. It was knowing that I was pleasing her. I was making her happy. I was providing her comfort and dare I say…love?
It’s odd to think about falling in love with someone you barely know, but as I let Auryn lead me to her bed, I think I do love her.
Looking at her quiets my brain. I like when she leads.
I like giving her what she desires, even if I don’t desire the same things, in the same way.
“I needyou,” she says, her voice full of pain. “I need you to make me forget, Olly.” Her words are a choked sob, and I hate them. I hate seeing her cry. There are too many tears in this compound tonight.
My own voice shakes when I say, “I don’t know if I can fuck you right now.”
I have to be honest, because I don’t want to add to her stress. She’s touching me, staring at me, begging me. But my cock is as soft as it was the moment I walked in here.
I whine, feeling embarrassed, and the tears come without warning. Fuck. I look away as I pull her close. I hold onto her tight, feeling the guilt hit like a brick.
“Is that all you think I want?” she asks, pushing me away. Her eyes are full of tears, and she looks shocked.
“I—”
She grabs me by the throat, her small hands squeezing lightly. “Because I can assure you, it’s not,” she says solidly. “I meant what I said.” She pulls me back onto the bed, and I follow her, shaking.
“Auryn,” I say, swallowing hard. “I c-can’t. Please don’t be mad, please—”
