The bell above the door rings out, snapping me out of my trance. I have to blink rapidly to get the darkness to evade my vision. Mom walks through the front, looking more disheveled than I’ve ever seen her. Her messy bun rolls as she swings her head side to side, searching for me. “Nova!” She cries out as she finally spots me.
She rushes to me, dropping to her knees in front of me. Her arms reach out, pulling my body into her and holding on as if I’m the one who died.I wonder if Luke’s parents know.
“Hi Ma’am, I’m Officer Jenkins. You can call me Mallory.”
Mom pulls back as if she just now registered the woman sitting next to me. “Uhm hi, I’m Nova’s mom.” She blubbers out, although it's apparent she wants nothing to do with this woman. Not when the broken remains of her child sit in front of her.
“We need you to answer some questions and fill out a few sheets of paperwork before you can take her home.” She stands, offering her hand out to Mom.
“I’m not leaving Nova.”
Mallory breaks eye contact, letting out a soft sigh. “It would be better if she doesn’t hear. She’s been through enough for one day.
Mom’s eyes flood with tears as the severity of the situation begins to settle in her mind. “Baby?” She questions with a trembling lip.
“It’s okay, Mama. I’ll be right here.” I nod at her, doing my best to put on a brave face. I just want to go home. Her guilt at leaving me continues to eat away at her facial expression as she stands. The motherly instincts within her want nothing more than to stay by my side. “I promise it’s okay.” I whisper one last time, hoping it’ll be the push she needs to go.
She lets go, although the interaction feels painful to the both of us. I watch as the two women head off to my left, disappearing behind a foggy glass door.
The drive home is done in silence. Mom refuses to look at me. I think the fear and disappointment have left her incapable of doing anything else besides driving us home. The numbness of it all has wrapped me in a cocoon, keeping me hidden away from the pain. My brain's own form of protection. If I can’t feel anything, the pain won’t be my ruin. Here I can be safe.
By the time we arrive home, the sun is beginning to peek out from the skyline. Its warm orange illuminates our trailer, shining as if it could have been a beacon of hope. I’m sure in another world it was. One where Saint and I got our happily ever after. One where Luke is sober and in love with Abby. But sometimes bad things just happen. They linger around us, a stark reminder of how truly out of control our lives are. The hurt, the grief, the happiness. It’s all just fleeting. All that we can do is grasp onto the moment while it’s in front of us, and cherish it while we can.
Play I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
Mom shifts the old red car into park, allowing the headlights to die out. They steal some of the light that had been flickering along the porch. I let out a sigh, readying myself to go inside. I’m not sure what will happen now. I don’t think anyone does, I don’t even think we’re supposed to know.
The front door swings open as Dad stands in the entrance. The tears begin to flow as I take in the familiar bottle dangling from his hand.I pushed him too far. Too early into recovery.
“I’m going to go grab us a bag,” Mom whispers out. Her voice lacks any emotions, as if she had expected to come home to the monster. “We can stay over Uncle Ned’s for the night.”
I give her a nod, even though her eyes are still trained on Dad. Her car door slams shut and I wince at the noise. The world has been so quiet since the last words I spoke to Saint. It’s like nothing else dared to grasp my attention, knowing that for me the world had already ended.
My parents disappear into the house and I watch as the screen door gets caught in the breeze. It glides back and forth, dancing with the wind. I play pretend, picturing Saint and I dancing alongside the door. His hands wrapped gently around me, spinning me around and around as our children’s giggles fly through the air. My happy ending was stolen, leaving me with nothing but my own imagination to continue it on. There’s a peace in knowing I can always disappear in these moments. While they might flicker, they bring a comfort the reality around me never could.
A scream rattles me out of my fantasy. My eyes shoot open, landing on the door once more. Nothing has changed and for a moment, I wonder if the stress of the past twenty four hours has finally gotten the best of me.
Then there’s another one.
I push my body out of the car, racing up to the steps. The screams turn into sobs as I reach the final level.
“You were supposed to raise her better than this!” My father screams. Even without seeing him, I can picture the spit that flies from his mouth with each word.
I take my first step into the home, feeling my body shrink down. My ragged and bloodied clothes turn into a nightgown covered with princesses. The messy rats nest that sits atop my head, turns into long blond braids that settle down my back. “Daddy?” I whisper as I watch him grip Mommy by her hair. “Please stop!” I scream out, knowing that my small hands will never be enough to stop him.
“Daddy! You’re hurting her!”
Mommy’s eyes find mine, staring up at me with raw fear. Blood drips from her nose. It’s then that I notice the object in his hand. A pretty wooden moth,my wooden moth.He slams it back down onto her head once more, and I watch as her eyes grow hazy.
I run towards them, my small legs carrying me so much slower than the ones I had grown into would’ve. “Daddy!” I scream once more as he slams it down again. The wooden corner of one of the wings slices Mom’s cheek open. The blood pours down her, covering her neck and chest.
“You failed our daughter!” He screams again, seemingly unaware of my presence behind him. “This is your fault!”
Mom opens her mouth, a look of warning burning in her eyes. Yet when she opens up, nothing but a few teeth and more blood spill from her. I reach out to Daddy, hoping I can grab the wood.
His arm rears back again, the now jagged piece of wood slamming into my neck. Mom’s eyes widen with horror, as she claws at Dad, silently begging him to turn around.
The feeling of dizziness overtakes me. My body feels as though it had been stuck on a rollercoaster all day. “Daddy?” I try to question. When I do, the slit artery in my neck bubbles. No sounds come out, my voice stolen from me.
