My fingers fidget with the cards, trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible as I roll through all the memories once again. There had been so many signs, and I had been so lost to my darkness I had missed them all. The idea of two of my favorite people finding love within each other has me tearing up.
“Yo Nova, are you good?” Jackson questions me quietly.
I look up at him with blurred vision, but before I can respond Abigail joins in. “Nova, are you okay?” Her worry is so evident and it only makes my heart swell further.
My voice comes out broken, “I just love you guys.”
Luke laughs as he responds, “we love you too, even if you’re an emotional train wreck.”
I wipe my waterline as I smile at them all. Saint’s arm snakes its way over the center console, grasping at the air to show me he wants my hand. I place mine in his as he begins to speak. “I love you, Nova.” He turns slightly in the chair, taking in the rest of the crew. “And I love you guys too, even though I haven’t always shown it.”
Abby nods her head with understanding, reaching forward to pat mine and Saint’s conjoined hands. “One big happy family, yeah?” She motions to the other boys. They both stretch out, placing their hands onto the pile.
“Always,” Jackson responds.
“Someone has to be stuck with me,” Luke teases. “I’m glad it’s you guys.”
We all fall back into position, spending the next few hours playing an assortment of games. Poker, Go Fish, Crazy Eights, the whole nine yards. It’s almost midnight by the time we pull into the campsite. The moon sparkles against the ocean waves as they dance against the shore. Luke and Jackson had already fallen asleep, leaving me, Saint, and Abby to ourselves.
“I’m going to use the restroom,” Abby whispers through the quiet cabin.
Saint looks over at me with eyes seeking permission. A soft smile, one full of trust places itself on my face. I give him a light nod, and return to doom scrolling on my phone.
“I’ll walk you over.” He announces in a hushed tone. Abigail’s eyes widen with surprise, but when she doesn’t decline the offer, Saint follows her out of the small door. The campsite outhouse is roughly twenty feet away, not too long of a walk. But for a woman, any extra protection is worth taking.
Unable to hold back my curiosity, I make my way to the back bed where Saint and I will be sleeping. There’s a small rectangular window placed neatly above the old mattress. I watch their bodies in the dark, waiting until they’re far enough away to miss the noise before I crack it open.
The moonlight bounces off their hair, getting darker and darker the further away they go. I lay down on the bed, closing my eyes but keeping my ears perked for their return. For a moment I get lost in the sound of the waves. The slowsloshingas they sweep over the sand. I haven’t been here since I was little, but the sounds had stayed with me my entire life.
A few more quiet minutes pass before I hear the sound of footsteps outside. I attempt to slow my breathing, becoming as silent as possible, as I listen.
“I do love you, Abby.” Saint croaks out, the pain in his voice unmistakable.
“I know. But not in the way you love her.”
I rise up, trying to peek out of the window without being seen. Their hands are clasped together as Saint shakes his head.
“I don’t think I could ever love anyone else the way I love Nova.”
A solemn sigh escapes Abigail before she responds. “Saint, normal boyfriends don't take their girlfriend over to some other girl's parents house once a week.” A sad laugh leaves her. “I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t meant to be your forever.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His head hangs between them.
“Well you did.” She states bluntly. It catches me off guard and I have to cover my mouth to stop the surprise from leaking out. “But I forgive you. That is my choice to make. Saint, I want you to be happy.”
“Yeah?” He sniffles out.
“Always.”
Abigail pulls him into her, squeezing him tightly. His head drops into her shoulders and I watch his body sag with relief. They stay in that position for quite some time, letting their grief of their relationship spill out around them. It has an ache forming in my chest, knowing that I had stolen that from them. As their bodies split apart, I lay back down, throwing the blanket over my body and turning to the wall. I don’t want Saint to see the sadness forming in my eyes.
The door creaks open as the pair shuffle their way inside. Abigail lays down next to Jackson on the pull out and Saint climbs up next to me. I keep my eyes shut, hoping the performance of sleep will be believable.
Saint kisses the top of my head. “Being selfish with you brings so much pain. But God, my Dying Star, you’re worth it.” He whispers. “I’d go through it all over and over again if it meant having you in the end.”
I slightly lift my eyelids, just enough to take him in. Tears are still streaming down his face as he watches me.
“Are you sure?” I whisper back.
