The large brick building comes into view. A huge light up sign stands proudly outside, illuminating the name of the band playing tonight along with two headers. The excitement bubbles up inside of me as Saint throws the truck into park. He glances over to me, biting his lip.
“Thank you for coming.”
I feel the smile overtake me before I can stop it. “Thank you for inviting me.”
He reaches across the console, lightly squeezing my thigh, before unbuckling the seatbelt. We both hop out of the car, meeting at the front where the headlights illuminate us. Dusk has begun to fall, creating an orange glow around us. Hestretches out his hand for me to take, and when our palms connect the electricity of his touch surges through me.
Saint gently leads us to the back of the line. Everyone around us chattering about their excitement, only amplifying mine. I hadn’t been to a concert in a few years, and I forgot how wonderful it feels to share your joy with so many people. The anticipation leaves my heartbeat fluttering inside of my chest.
Saint keeps me connected to him as we slowly make our way to the front. The bouncer at the door checks both our IDs before sending us on our way. I pause with amazement as we enter the venue. The interior looks like it has previously been a warehouse, with an opened ceiling that leaves all the pipes bare. For the most part the floor is level, although it has a slight edge along both sides. A stage sits front and center, illuminated by bright blue lights that shine down from different directions.
I follow Saint towards the front, wiggling in between the other concert-goers. It’s a tight fit, but with a perfect view, who am I to complain? Especially when Saint stands behind me, wrapping both arms protectively around my body.
His tight hold emulates my own little bubble, keeping me nice and safe. I look up, twisting my head slightly to take him in. He gazes down at me while a small smirk plays along his face, and when he leans down to kiss my forehead everything feels as though it’s in slow motion. The serotonin from his touch streams through my bloodstream, allowing me a glimpse at genuine happiness. At this moment, it’s just us. The other bodies that flow in next to us are nothing but objects taking up space. I could live in this moment for the rest of my life.
I look forward just as the extra lights shut off, leaving us in total darkness. The blue lights that dance across the stage slowly transform to red as the sound of a guitar begins to fill the air.
“Boston!” A loud voice shouts through the speakers, “Who’s ready for some music?”
Mine and Saint’s cheers mingle in with the rest of the shouts as the band begins to appear on stage. The guitarist picks up speed, turning the few notes he was playing into the beginning of their opening song. The base grips onto my body, almost tighter than the hold Saint still has on me. Together we sway with the crowd as the lyrics begin to float through the air. They sing a tale about two people falling in love under a tyrannical rule. It would almost be depressing if it wasn’t for the fast pace of the music behind the words.
I lean into Saint, letting the music settle into my bones. Occasionally his hands grip harder on me as someone bumps into us. The protectiveness leaves me feeling treasured. Like I’m something worth keeping safe. The words ‘I love you’ almost catch behind my teeth, but instead they slip out. A whisper that goes unheard.
He doesn’t love me back. He had already made that clear, but with how rapidly he has consumed my mind I can’t help the way I feel. A part of me believes it was always meant to be us in the end, even if I had gotten lost along the way. Maybe someday Saint will see that too, but for now I’ll take what I can get. These hidden moments of lust that dance between us, the late night calls and shared memories.Somewhere in the darkwhere I can be his, even if only for a little while.
A buzz tickles against the small of my back. I attempt to step forward, the surprise leaving me spooked. “It’s okay,” Saint shouts into my ear as he leans down, “it’s just my phone.”
I let out a small laugh of embarrassment before slightly stepping to the side so he can take the device out of his pocket. His face lights up from the glow as he uses one hand to unlock the phone. The other stays wrapped around my waist, almost as if he’s worried I could disappear if he doesn’t keep ahold of me.
“Luke’s here,” he shouts, looking down to me to make sure I heard him. I give him a slight nod, saddened by my time with him being cut short.
“Let’s go meet him?” He asks, nodding his head towards the back of the venue. I give him a smile, hoping it masks my disappointment, and nod.
Play GLOOM by Dounia
We swerve our way through the crowd of people until we’re left in the back. A few stragglers try to push past us in an attempt to enter the wave of bodies, but with a harsh bump into me and a glaring snarl from Saint, they back off pretty quickly.
“I brought gifts!” Luke’s cocky voice sounds over the loud music. He prances up to Saint and I, three shots in hand. “Not Jager this time.” He finishes off, giving me a wink as he hands over the small glass container.
I look down at the clear liquid, my nostrils immediately assaulted by the smell. I watch as they both tilt their drinks up, letting the liquor slide down their throats. I sigh, giving into the fact that tonight is no longer about just Saint and I, and down the shot in solidarity.
“So what are you kids up to?” Luke asks as we follow him back to the bar. The surface is sticky, probably covered in spilled drinks. Bartenders zoom back and forth, pouring drink after drink. I’d almost feel bad for them if it wasn’t for the overflowingtip jar neatly placed in the middle.
Saint gives a kind wave to one of the servers, signaling to him that he has an order, but to take his time. “Figured we could enjoy some music,” he starts off, slightly nudging me. The nudge does nothing but serve as a reminder that his hands are no longer on me. That they haven’t been since we had to leave the anonymity the crowd offered.
Luke’s eyes catch me, watching me with intrigue. “This doesn’t seem quite like your scene.”
I go to respond but before I can, the bartender approaches our group. “What can I get ya?”
I turn and respond, leaving the boys to further their conversation. “Three rum and cokes please,” I ask, not bothering to ask either of them what they would like. They’ve made plenty of decisions for me, and now it’s my turn.
I sit on a barstool that opens up, spinning back around to look at them. Their voices had gotten quiet behind me, and while I had assumed they were listening to me order our drinks, the sight I found was much different. With quiet voices, they both stare down at Luke’s phone. I watch as Saint lightly nods to Luke before looking back to me.
“Hey, we’re going to go grab something real quick,” he lets me know. I give him a puzzled glance in return, but before I can think too deeply into it, he leans forward and kisses my cheek. My eyes catch Luke’s and they seem completely unamused, as if he knew this whole time. “We’ll be right back. Wait for our drinks?”
Whether it’s the optimism seeping through the venue or the drink I had getting the best of my tolerance, my confidence takes a big leap. I snag Saint by his collar, pulling him in for a genuine kiss. When he eagerly returns the gesture my heart soars. His tongue swipes gently along my bottom lip as his hand gives mythroat a light squeeze. I feel his thigh press into my legs, pushing them apart until he can apply light friction to my aching core.
“Be right back, okay?” He asks, finally pulling away from me with swollen lips. My head nods although my brain feels lost to the lust. I watch as he and Luke turn on their heels, heading closer to the entrance. My eyes stay transfixed on the pair until they're out of sight. For the first time in a very long time, I can imagine a future. One that’s bright. One that hashim.
