I suppose we will.
10
DEATH BY UNDERWIRE
Mabel’s Accidental Texts to Corbin
Mabel: Hey Alexa, set a reminder to text Corbin.
Mabel: No, set a reminder to text Corbin about the bakery’s name.
Mabel: He’s going to die when he hears the name I have.
Mabel: And my plan.
Mabel: Set a reminder to tell him it’s a little naughty. The name, that is.
Mabel: And funny.
Mabel: And brilliant.
Mabel: Hey Alexa, what’s the ideal color scheme for a bakery?
Alexa: Pink and white.
Mabel: Yep, I knew that.
Mabel: Tell Corbin the bakery must be pink.
Mabel: I don’t care if he wants to fight me on it. I will die on a pink hill. He can peel my pink ass off the pink hill.
Mabel: Hey Alexa, is pink the greatest color ever?
Alexa: Pink is a popular color associated with sweetness, romance and?—
Mabel: Stop Alexa. Pink is the greatest.
Mabel: Hey Alexa, make a note to suggest to Corbin that we don’t want to tell everyone in town about the bakery just yet. Let’s wait until we have a more concrete opening date. Also, make a to-do item to discuss more menu items with Corbin. And my ideas for cookies. With vegan marshmallows.
Mabel: Wait, does he know that marshmallows are made from beef gelatin? Gross. We are not serving anything with marshmallows unless they’re vegan.
Mabel: Also, make a note to discuss my brilliant idea with him to make dog cookies and all proceeds from them go to the local rescue. And make a to-do item to email the garage door company. The windows are going to be so pretty with our pink-and-white sign.
Mabel: Also remind me to buy new bras tomorrow. These underwires are stabbing me to death.
Corbin: Mabel, I think your phone just picked up you talking to yourself.
Mabel: Oh shit! Oh fuck. Noooooo…it didn’t.
Corbin: Yes. It did. Also, pink works for me. All in with the dog cookies and the donation. And I will peel you off a pink hill, but don’t die from the underwire.
Mabel: This is so embarrassing.
Corbin: It’s not. I like seeing how your brain works. Also, what’s this naughty bakery name?
11
KNIGHTY NIGHT
