I threw my hand out. “Dude.”
“Nah. You’re gonna wanna see this.” Then he winked at Lemon. In unison, they squeezed their legs and took off after Christy.
Anna was next. I jammed my hat on my head, clucked my tongue twice, and brought up the rear.
Watching Christy ride was an otherworldly experience. Like I was seeing her in a completely different light. And if I hadn’t known I was ridiculously in love with her before, I knew it then. The pain in my chest ratcheted even tighter. I rubbed the middle of my breastbone and forced my breath out slowly, working through the ache.
This was taking way longer than it should’ve. The cows were nowhere near the barn, even though we’d had them right there earlier. Dad was never careless enough to leave gates open, but all of them were. Wide open. Every single one we came upon.
Of course, the cows had scattered, cutting through every field in between the back of the ranch and the barn. We found them by the perimeter fence, next to the river that divided our ranch from our neighbors. We were about a mile from the work area. Good grief. We could’ve planned this better.
Once we were all there, Silas nodded for us to go again. Wedidn’t all need to be here. Not when we had Silas with a rope in his hand. It was more for fun than anything. But it felt good to ride again. I always forgot how much I missed this when I was in DC.
The calf we needed cut hard to the right. Silas held back and let Christy go ahead. She raised the rope above her head, whipped it around three times, and snapped her wrist. The calf came crashing to the ground, knees bent under him, rope perfectly secured around his neck. It was absolute perfection.
“Holden,” Silas called.
I shook my head to clear my brain. He nodded for me to get the little guy, who was up on his feet again, bellowing for his momma. I hopped down. The calf kicked in my arms but I clamped down and lifted. Silas, still in the saddle, reached down for the calf. Once we had him situated, I stepped back.
Like a crack of thunder, Silas dug his heels into Fred’s flanks and took off, almost knocking me on my butt. I stumbled back, a little embarrassed.
“Okay,” I muttered. But when I looked up, I realized everyone was gone but Christy, who seemed as bewildered as I felt. Lemon, Silas, and Anna were galloping away.
And they’d taken my freaking horse.
Anna must’ve slid a rope around Judith’s neck the second I hopped off.
I swore, calling them some names I’d regret later. Maybe.
Christy shook her head, but I could tell from the upturn on her annoyingly kissable lips that she was enjoying this. “Looks like we’ve been had.”
I gritted my teeth. “It would seem so.” What was wrong with my family?
She tipped her head, eyes a little sad. “Wanna ride, cowboy?”
I could be really obstinate and walk back, but after my five-mile run that morning and workingcows the rest of the day, my legs ached. And my family would laugh even harder if I came sulking back on two legs instead of four. Fine. It would be our first and last ride together.
“Yeah. Okay.”
She slid her foot out of the stirrup. I jammed mine in, heaved my body up onto the horse, and settled in behind her. My fists curled for a moment before I reluctantly slid them around her waist. And dang if she didn’t let out a little sigh as she settled against my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. Having her in my arms was the best feeling in the world. It was complete torture.
She clucked her tongue and we were off. We hadn’t made it out of the field before I had my nose right next to her hair. Peace tried to swirl in my chest but I kicked it out. Peace was a big, fat liar. But I did tighten my arms, pulling her closer, giving myself one moment. This one right here. Her back brushed against my chest. Desire thrummed through me.
Man, I was so weak. I always was. I hated myself for it. Why couldn’t I be like Silas who’d moved nineteen hundred miles to get away from Lemon? The man had a will of iron. But I couldn’t even leave Virginia. And with Christy, I couldn’t even make myself leave Seddledowne.
Every thought I hadn’t let myself think in the last three days, whirled in my mind. Matching gold bands. A future where I got to make love to her every night and wake up next to her every morning. Babies in bed between us. Nights under the stars, watching our kids catch fireflies. Barbecues and floating the river. So much laughter… and hard times too. I knew they’d come. But they wouldn’t even be that bad if she was right there with me. Christy made everything better. Easy and light.
I peeled my hat off and rested my nose against the nape of her neck. She didn’t flinch at all. Like it was totally okay. Like I hadn’t broken her heart with my cowardly breakup text. Shewas the best woman I’d ever known, even in this. My eyes burned. I knew she could feel my tears on her neck but she didn’t even mind. I curled my arms as tight as I could around her waist, melting into her as I cried.
When the horse stopped, I looked up, but everything was a blur. How were we already back at the barn? I wiped my eyes and that’s when I realized how hard I’d been crying. Sobbing, actually. I’d soaked the neck of Christy’s shirt and she’d just let me, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.
My family was all there waiting, smiles on their faces like they’d come up with the best scheme of all time. And then they saw my tears. And one by one they looked ashamed.
I heaved myself off the horse without looking at the woman who I could never, ever have.
“I hate all of you,” I said with a sob.
Then I turned to Christy but I couldn’t meet her eyes. “We’re not a thing, okay? We’re never going to be a thing. It’s over.”
