I grabbed her face and stole a kiss, letting it linger, her peach gum a perfect punch to the tastebuds.
“You’re obsessed with lightning bugs,” I said when she pulled back.
“Fireflies. Yes, I am. I love how they’re on a mission to find their one true love.” She cupped my face in her hands, looking into my eyes. I could almost make out her amber irises in the soft light coming through the sliding glass door. “I already found mine,” she whispered.
I was suddenly gripped with indecision. No, I’d made the decision already. There was no backing down now. “Hey, I need to tell you something.”
“Of course. Anything.” Her thumb brushed along my jaw, her eyes so trusting.
I was going to crush that and I hated it. My dad’s words replayed in my mind. “You could be great, son. You could go pro. But that’s not going to happen if you stay in Seddledowne. If Anna loves you, she’ll wait.”
Dad was right. Anna would wait for me. We could make long-distance work. Our love was strong enough.
I smoothed her hair back. “You know I love you, right?”
Her head tilted, her forehead tight. “Yeah?”
“Anna.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m moving. To California. In three weeks.”
“Haha. Funny joke.” She smiled. But I just stared at her, watching the truth of my words sink in…
I shook my head to clear the memory. Because the pain and the tears that followed were not something I wanted to remember. I would’ve been okay if that memory had disappeared forever.
I looked over at nineteen-year-old Anna, standing tall on the edge of the field, shoulders back, head held high, eyes straight ahead. She was no less beautiful than she’d been on that back porch. Probably more, if that was even possible. But she was different. Harder in some ways, softer in others, more stalwart, less carefree. How much of that was because of me?
“You look really pretty.” I managed to force the words out despite the lump in my throat.
Her eyes flicked to me. “Oh. Thanks. You too.” She laughed and then stamped it out. “You look nice.” The compliment came without emotion. Like someone judging a science fair, impartially.
“This year’s homecoming king is…” Mrs. Ross paused for dramatic effect. “Matthew Jones!” The crowd erupted and I barely heard any of it. I couldn’t stop looking at Anna. My chest aching from straight-up want.
She glanced at me, confused. “That’s you.” She nodded to the field. “They’re waiting.”
My head gave another shake and I walked forward, leaving Anna behind me. Mrs. Ross shoved the king’s crown in my hand and pointed for me to continue walking. I strode to the fifty-yard line, cut right, and put the crown on the head of some kid that I’d never seen before. The folks in the stands cheered. Then I walked past, giving him the spotlight.
I turned and watched as Anna walked out to the field, the queen’s crown in her hands. She wore a smile that looked like a mask trying to cover up the pain. She carefully placed it on a girl named Chloe. Again the crowd cheered. Like me, Anna walked behind the queen and king, standing five feet from me.
Something about her face just then, expressionless, like she was holding her emotions back, sent a flood of memories into my mind.
“What happened to all your pizza delivery money?”
“You have to come for Christmas. You promised.”
“I’m not letting you spend your savings on me.”
A gust of Seddledowne wind filled my lungs and all of a sudden I remembered.
I rememberedeverything.
The breakup. The heartbreak after. The years of realizing what a fool I’d been. Her family. My family. Signing with Knoxville. My dad and the part he’d played in everything. Lacy. All the girls during and after her. I glanced into the stands. Madden. Stilts’s name was Madden Alexander Frist. He was the best freaking friend a screwed-up kid like me could’ve asked for. He loved hockey, and he wanted to go pro. I chuckled, and my hands went to the back of my head as the weight of the void that had frustrated my brain lifted, filling my mind with every single thing I’d forgotten.
Silas was at the edge of the field, a conflicted look on his face as he watched me standing next to Anna. Crap. I’d let him down when I’d embarrassed her. No.Broken heron national TV. I loved that man. Had mad respect for him. He’d never let go of me completely after Anna broke up with me. He hung on, sending me texts every few months. And how had I repaid him? By humiliating his daughter-niece in front of the entire world.
I looked around. This place. This school. This field. I loved it all. Loved these people.
Did I regret moving to California? That was a hard one. I never would’ve made it to Knoxville if I hadn’t.
I chuckled again. Anna’s stare pinballed to me, curiosity in her expression. I smiled and she glanced away. California had taken me away from her but now I was at a fantastic school, playing for a team I loved. I did. IlovedKnoxville. Somebody could slice me open and I’d bleed orange and baby blue. And no, I didn’t want to go to Austin. Not even to make my dad happy. Every play Coaches Whitlock, Shelton, Jersey, and Cook had taught me came back to my mind. The problems I’d learned in my Differential Equations class this semester came screeching into place. Everything. All of it. All at once. In an overwhelming, wonderful rush that made me want to raise my hands to the sky and sing hallelujah like a Southern lady in church.
