I was making a fool of myself, but I decided to go for broke. “I love you,” I exhaled against his mouth.
Still nothing.
Splinters cracked, shooting down every vein in my body.
“Don’t you care that I’ve fallen in love with you?” It came out in complete desperation.
He grunted. But that was all. I’d bared my soul and he couldn’t even bother to speak a single word.
And I shattered. If Billy’s betrayal had broken me into a thousand pieces, Silas’s rejection was a hundred million more. And I knew I would never be whole again. There wasn’t a man on earth who could put me back together now.
I guess mommas don’t know everything after all. At least not mine.
twenty-four
SILAS
She was in my lap, kissing me like I’d always dreamed. And like an idiot, I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t believe it was real. Was this some kind of cruel joke? I’d never wanted Clem to know why I’d stopped roping. It was too revealing and raw. Would she do this just to get me to talk? No. She wasn’t that person. Or maybe she was, and I didn’t know her anymore. I couldn’t think straight, needed air to process what was happening. But I couldn’t get any because the little I had, she kept stealing with every kiss she placed.
“I love you,” she said, and my brain refused to comprehend. I must’ve misunderstood. It was the fantasy I’d played out a million times when I was younger. It wasn’t real. My head was playing tricks on me.
“Don’t you care that I’ve fallen in love with you?” she begged, her chin quivering against mine. The desperation in her voice hooked me in the heart and yanked me to the surface. This wasn’t a trick or a test or any kind of manipulation. She’d meant that.
I knew it in the deepest parts of my soul.
In less than a second, my heart, which had been lifeless, barely existing for years, burst into full bloom. A shot of adrenaline tore through me, making me dizzy. I couldn’t take a full breath. The ecstasy was all-consuming. I tried to speak, but only a grunt came out. Oh, good grief.Pull it together, man.
I got my arms to move, lifting them to pull her tighter. But before I could slide my hands around her middle, she shot up off my lap. She took a step toward the hallway and I knew if I let her get out of that room, she might never give me another chance.
I reached out, my fingertips catching her by the waist. She stopped, frozen. So I wound my arms around her, pulling her back to the couch and into my lap. Her eyes were closed, like she was afraid to open them. Afraid of what was coming.
I cupped her porcelain cheeks in my hands. “Clementine,” I murmured, so relieved to finally be moving and talking again. An intoxicating rush surged through me and I kissed her with a fierceness I didn’t know I possessed. Every kiss from the past was dilapidated and sputtering compared to this. My lips and hers were one—searching, exploring, demanding. All pistons firing. She parted her mouth, letting me in. I groaned, trying to get closer, deeper. But it wasn’t enough.
She pulled back, fingers curled in my hair. “I love you, Si. It’s okay if you can’t say that to me yet, but I have to say it because you’re…” her breath hitched. “You’re everything to me.”
I pressed my forehead against hers, breathing her in. She was wearing a new perfume today—it was sunshine and daisies and it couldn’t have matched the moment more completely. “I love you too. My whole heart is yours. It always has been. I was stupid to ever think otherwise. Please.” I tapped my nosegently against hers. “Please, don’t break it. I’m not sure I could handle it again.”
She smiled against my lips. “Never. I promise. Your heart is safe with me.” Then she pressed kisses all along my jaw, up the bridge of my nose, and across my forehead. But she was getting carried away, taking too long. My lips hummed, pulsed along with the rest of me, needing to show her that I meant what I’d said.
I gripped her wrists, stopping her. It was my turn. I growled into her neck and she tipped her head back, moaning, giving me full access. Goosebumps broke out on her skin and it thrilled me that I’d caused that. But then she slid her hands back into my hair, gave it a tug, and pulled my lips back to hers.
Suddenly, I wanted—no, needed—to bare my whole soul. Every desire to hold back, to keep her at a safe distance, had taken flight—and the urge to tell her everything took over all the newly vacant spots.
I searched her bright eyes, cradling her perfect face in my hands. “I need to answer your question.” Her cheeks were flushed and her supple lips slightly swollen—but her eyes were frenzied, overjoyed. “I quit roping because I lost my scholarship.”
The joy slipped away, and she scoured my face. “I never knew that. No one told me.”
My right thumb traced her bottom lip, dragging it open just barely. I said the next part slowly and carefully. She needed to understand precisely how deep my love for her ran. “You got married, and it almost killed me. Literally. I couldn’t eat, I slept through my classes, couldn’t get out of bed to go to practice. I almost failed out of school. Finally, Mom threatened to come get me and make me come home. It worked when nothing else did. Because the only thing worse than you being married to Billy was me having to come back to Seddledowneand watch from a front-row seat.” I lifted her palm and pressed a kiss against her fingertips. “So I got my crap together. My teachers let me make up my work. But the scholarship was gone. They’d given my spot to someone else by then.”
Her eyes turned down, ashamed.
I lifted her chin, forcing eye contact. “Hey. It’s not your fault. You made your choices—you’re allowed to do that—and I did a crap job of coping with them. That’s on me.”
She shook her head and I could see I’d done nothing to convince her.
“Hey,” I said again, softer. “It’s okay.”
She met my eye, biting her bottom lip. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I didn’t know I was hurting you. I hate that I caused you so much pain.”
