“Christ, man, don’t rub it in.I’ll be out in a second.”I need to find someone to take my mind off matters.Or take them into my own hands.
“Let’s go then.I don’t want to keep her waiting.”He smacks the doorjamb twice in quick succession and fixes me with a glare.The glare of a man about to go home to a beautiful woman.His beautiful woman.
Shaking my head, I drain and plate my chips with a liberal application of salt.I grab the vinegar and go back out front to the bar.
* * *
When I showup to the community center on Thursday afternoon, I’m prepared.I have water in my water bottle instead of whiskey and my own little snack pack of cookies, and I’m not entirely late.I’ve even hidden the shortcuts to Tumblr and Pornhub in a folder on my desktop titledHomework.Perfectly respectable.
My new friend, Virginia, nods and smiles to me as I take my seat across the aisle.Like a ripple effect, each row of ladies turns, smiles, and nods, murmuring their hellos until sweet Addie raises her head and fixes me with her gaze.
“You’re back.”Not a question, it’s more of an annoyed observation.
“I am,” I reply, smiling.“And I’ve brought my own snack.”I hold up my store-bought treat, feeling like I’ve got this thing handled.
Addie does the eye-roll thing again, and I have to admit, I’m a bit concerned for her.She seems to have a problem controlling that particular response.Like, I’m afraid she’s going to strain herself.
Virginia though stands, grabs the bag of cookies out of my hand, and throws them in the rubbish bin.“We don’t allow that shit in here, Finn.We have standards,” she scolds.
My protest is on the tip of my tongue when she hands me a still-warm, gooey cookie from the plastic container on the desk in front of her.
Addie grumbles something about me not knowing standards if they smacked me upside the head, which isn’t true at all.If I didn’t have standards, I’d have gotten into more trouble in Dublin with my Humanities professor.
“Thank you, ma’am.”I make an exaggerated show of manners that everyone seems to appreciate.Everyone, except Addie.
She turns back to her computer and prattles on about files and organizing them into folders.
I get a bit lost inside my head, listening to the gentle melody of her voice.She’s lulling me into a trance with her soft, almost accentless tone.Well, she has no accent compared to most of the girls I chat up in the pub.They all seem to have that harsh edge that screams New York, whereas Addie is all rounded vowels and steady cadence.
Christ, she’s stunning when she’s focused on what she’s doing.I’m so entranced, watching her, listening to her, that when I take a bite of the cookie Virginia so kindly bestowed upon me, I embarrass myself a little.The chocolate and sugary flavors explode in my mouth, causing my eyes to close and a groan to escape from low in my throat.
The room goes absolutely silent, and when I open my eyes, everyone’s head is turned, and the cleavage-dabber is dabbing and fanning.
I drop my feet down from where I rested them on the desktop and swallow quickly.“This is spectacular.”I hold up the remainder of the cookie and smile.
While the prevalent response is a murmured, “Oh, dear,” the louder response, the one that makes its way to my waiting ears, is more of a, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“Are you done?”she asks more loudly, glaring at me across the room.
“I’d never finish before you,” rolls off my tongue before I can think better of it.So, I wink at her.I wink hard and play it off like it’s no big deal because, really, it’s true.Despite what she threw at me in the pub, I flirtandfollow through.
And the ladies?They’re not nearly as hard of hearing as I hoped, as they are stifling their laughter while Addie’s face turns the color of her hair.
7
“I was going to tell you a joke about my cock, but it was too long.”
“Too bad because I was going to tell you one about my vagina, but you’ll never get it.”
Adelaide
Ican’t believe Finn just said that.I can’t fucking believe it.I bite at my lip while my face flames red, and I try to compose myself.Does he mean to say shit like that all the time?Does he not know how to tone it down?
Putting forth my best effort to ignore the fool, I carry on with the rest of the material, sneaking an occasional glance Finn’s way to make sure he’s not doing anything inappropriate, like cruising Tumblr.Sadly, the only way I can even think of to check on that is to find his hands and maybe look for any exuberant adjustments.
Each time I glance up though, he’s smirking at me, hands in his lap, stroking his pen, but still.And, of course, he winks.Every.Dingle.Time.Single.I meant, everysingletime.Damn it.I just roll my eyes, unchecked, not giving a shit anymore if he notices.
I hang back as the room empties, hoping to avoid any more awkwardness.Finn holds the door and acts all valiant and chivalrous to the ladies.Myladies.I had them first, and now, I feel like I’m losing them to him.We haven’t even been out on one date, and we’re already having a custody battle.Wait, there will benodates with the cheese-slinging Tumblr monkey.Nope.
