The press of his weight, his warmth, the soft and even puff of breath at each exhale act together, relaxing me. The drumming beat of the rain pelting against the window finally pulls me under, exhaustion consuming me.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Miles
While Chloe forgave me for being a dumbass, Jake has been a much harder sell. I don’t blame him one bit for the attitude he gives me. Actions speak louder than words, and I shit all over the relationship we’d forged.
Even with strict adherence to the rules I spent months teaching him, I haven’t made a ton of progress. As May starts its downward slide, I’ve got to do something to mend the rift I created.
“Jake, you want to come with me and grab some ice cream?”
Chloe made a big dinner but accidentally forgot to make dessert at my request.
“Mom doesn’t like ice cream, or did you forget?” And there’s that attitude he was full of when we met.
Chloe huffs out a laugh. “I’m stuffed, babe. You and Miles go on without me, and I’ll get these dishes done.” She throws me a wink and mouths a silent,Good luck.
“Come on.” I give his shoulder a light squeeze as I grab my keys from the counter.
Jake drags his feet but follows me out to Maggie, sliding into the passenger seat as Bronson hops on the bench seat between us. “Damn it, Bronson.” He doesn’t bother using one of his substitute curses, but now is not the time for me to correct that.
“Jake, I need to apologize to you. What I did, the way I dropped out of your mom’s life and yours, that wasn’t right. I struggle with making excuses for myself, almost as much as I struggle with accepting them from others.”
He peers at me from behind Bronson’s back, brows lowered, his thinking face on.
“But people make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are innocent, and sometimes, they’re intentional but with good intent, no ill will. Does that make sense?”
He nods, so I continue, wanting to explain this as best I can, “I was married before, a couple of years ago, way before I met you guys.”
“When you were a SEAL?”
I pull into a space at the ice cream shop and park. “Yep. My wife was…” I sigh, bracing myself. Weighing my words. “She did something bad, something very serious, that resulted in another person’s death.”
“She killed someone? She was a murderer?” There’s no hiding the shock leaching into his voice or painted on his face.
“She did kill someone, but it’s kind of hard to explain. She was sick.”
“So, she murdered because she was sick?”
Shock turns to confusion—and isn’t that the fucking thing? I don’t want to give him so many details that he’s scarred from it. I carry enough of that myself. But I want to do the explanation justice—at least, as much as I can.
“She suffered from a mental illness, and at the time, she didn’t know what she was doing. It was wrong, very wrong.
“When I went to California, I went there to talk to the judge and the lawyers. I wanted to help her get the care that she needed. Unfortunately, the sickness was too strong, too much, and she died.”
Chloe and I talked at length about how much to tell Jake, what to tell him and how to say it. I don’t know whether it’s right or wrong to fudge the details of exactly how Aly died, but for the sake of an eleven—almost twelve—year-old, boy, we decided to censor this particular detail.
Jake’s hand goes to Bronson’s back, stroking his fur as he processes what I shared. “Miles, who did she kill?” he asks softly.
Part of me hoped that he wouldn’t ask, but this, I won’t gloss over. That would feel too wrong. “Our daughter.”
Sadness pulls at the corners of Jake’s eyes, and he sniffs quietly, chewing at his lip. “I’m sorry she did that. I’m sorry you don’t have a kid anymore.”
“Thank you. That means a lot. I’m still her dad, even though she’s not here. Just like you will always have your dad.”
I pause, letting that thought sink in for both of us.
“So, that’s what happened, and that’s why I was really sad—pretty mad, too—and I was afraid of losing you and your mom. Afraid enough to push you guys away, thinking it would be easier for everyone, but I was really wrong. And if you’ll forgive me, I’d like to be part of your lives again.”
