He shifts and fidgets, left hand tapping against his leg as it bounces to whatever song or beat he’s got going through his head. Forever moving, dodging and weaving his way through the maze of civilian life.
Chance was the most gung-ho motherfucker on my team—young and committed to the navy. I had no doubt he’d be a lifer, but what he saw on his last mission, the ones he lost, fucked with him hard.
“We should hit up Jensen, get you some fresh ink,” he declares, spinning the conversation in a totally different direction. “It’s been so long for you; you’re practically a virgin. Gotta bust that cherry all over again.”
THREE
Chloe
My desk is clear. The whiteboards are sparkling clean, and the chairs are upside down on the students’ desks. Well, all but two of them. I glance at the clock above the door and then check to see if the time differs from that on my phone. It doesn’t. And as the hands creep past my meeting time—the one specifically requested by the mom of one of my students—I decide to make the phone call. I don’t have another option, and having my parents close to fall back on was one of the perks of moving.
“Hey, Dad. Are you busy?” I ask, dropping my head into my hand.
“Not with anything important, sweetie. What do you need?”
I sigh and suck it up. “I have a meeting with a parent, and she’s running late. Can you pick up Jake from after-school childcare? I think this is going to run long, and I can’t be late getting him again. They’re going to start charging me extra, and God knows, he’s already cranky about having to stay after. He’s convinced it’s just for babies.”
“You got parents complaining about their kids’ grades already? You haven’t really been there long enough for that, have you?”
“I don’t think so… maybe? God, I hope not.” Stepping into a classroom midyear isn’t easy, but the job was available, and I needed to make the change. I was finally ready to make the change.
“I’ll grab him. Maybe take him out for a burger or something.” My dad’s warm chuckle wraps itself around me.
This is why I moved here. To be closer to my parents. To have a good man in Jake’s life. And for help.
After confirming the time and hearing a quick, “I love you,” from my father, I scroll through pictures on my phone. Deployments. Reunions. My life with Dallas.
And my heart sits heavy in my chest.
I miss him.
Five years later, almost six, and it still hurts to think about all the things we didn’t get to do. All our hopes and dreams. If he’d lived, he’d be close to his twenty-year mark with the army. In my heart, I know Dallas would never consider retirement at first eligibility, but it would have been an option. A full career with time to do something new with his life, maybe enjoy some time together. Deployments are hard, weighing heavy on the framework of the family. Army life is not for the faint of heart.
“Mrs. Triplett? I’m so sorry I’m late. There was a thing at my office and…” Mrs. Amarre drops her bag to the floor and rifles through it, handing me a tissue. She sits on the edge of her chair, a knowing smile on her face, watching as I dab at the tears I didn’t notice were gathering on my cheeks. “Are you okay?” she asks.
I force a smile and reach across the desk to shake her hand. “Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was such a mess.”
Her gaze drops to my desk, where a tear rests on the screen of my phone, magnifying Dallas’s easy grin. Sadness, pity, or maybe something almost like understanding softens her eyes. “How long has it been?” she asks in a soothing tone.
My mouth presses into a tight line. This is not the reason she’s here in my classroom. My display of emotion feels unprofessional. “Five, almost six years.”
“Was he active duty? Did you lose him overseas?”
My eyes well up again, and that kind of pisses me off, so I bat away the tears. “He was active, Special Forces. He was stateside, on his way home from the airport post deployment, and he stopped for coffee before our son’s kindergarten graduation. There was a robbery, two teenagers, and… he was stabbed and killed. He was so close and just never made it back to us.”
The words hurt, even now. The shock of that day, of hearing the news, of how I crumbled. The only things that kept me upright through that mess were the fact that Jake needed me and that I had the support of Jack and the rest of Dallas’s team. His brothers.
“Oh, sweetie.”
“Yeah, it sucked.” I force a smile and try to lighten things.
This long after the fact, I thought I’d be better. Not necessarily over the loss of my husband, but certainly not having panic attacks in gas station convenience stores and crying in front of strangers.
Erin Amarre reaches across the desk and pats my hand. “It’s not easy to lose them, no matter how crazy the shit they put us through is. Jesus, the stories I could tell you, but that would require some wine. Maybe a lot of it.” She glances over her shoulder at the clock above the door and then back to me. “Do you have any other meetings tonight? Anywhere you need to be?”
I purse my lips and shake my head. “Just chatting with you and then off to my parents’ house to pick up my son,” I tell her.
She pushes her chair back and stands, throwing her purse over her shoulder. “Good. Let’s get out of here and grab a glass of wine. If nothing else, it’ll make my kid’s crappy math grades easier to handle.”
