“It’s no problem. I—” My phone screen lights up with a call from California. At this hour, a call from the West Coast can’t be ignored. “Erin, I need to take this.” I stand, swipe my phone from my desk, and answer as I walk to one of the conference rooms, shutting the door behind me. “Hey, Ryan. Did I forget to send you my flight details, or?—”
“No, no. I got them when I dragged my ass out of bed Saturday morning, but we need to push your trip off,” the lawyer says.
Ryan Purdue is the lead on Aly’s defense team. I don’t know how her parents found him or if they just lucked out, but honestly, I don’t think there’s a better guy for this case.
“What? Why?” I rake my fingers through my hair.
“Right? Serious kick in the ass, but prosecution is pushing hard for prison time. They’ve been digging deep, pulling old cases to cite. They want life for her,” he explains. “My guess is, they don’t understand your angle. It’d make things a whole lot easier on them if you weren’t so…” He trails off, struggling to find the right term.
Supportive.Involved.Guilt-ridden. Any of them could apply.
“Jesus Christ, Ryan. I’m the one who should be held responsible. The whole thing is my fucking fault.” The conference rooms at Fire Born are soundproof by design, as the shit we tend to discuss around here is sensitive at the very least, but I suck in a calming breath and drop my volume anyway. “Imissed all the signs. They were right there, begging for me to notice and I didn’t. The blood is on my hands.”
Ryan’s strained breathing is just barely perceptible, but as seconds tick by, I can’t help but check the screen of my phone to see if the call dropped.
“You didn’t know, Miles. Aly’s doctor, the nurses, if they had no indication, how can you think you should have seen the breadth of her sickness?”
My teeth grind together, my jaw sawing back and forth. “We were married. I lived with her, saw them every fucking day.” Emotion clogs my throat.
Ryan’s tone softens. In the time we’ve been working together, he’s been almost more of a friend to me than anything. “And why was that? Why were you married to her? Don’t forget the depths of her deception. Don’t forget what Aly did to make that happen. Your support, the way you stand by her, is commendable. It certainly goes above and beyond. But, Miles, after this round of testimony, I think it’s best for you to let it go. Take a step back. You changed your career, moved across the country. It’s time to live your life.”
My shoulders sag under the weight of his words. The truth in them is raw and painful. “Yeah.”
“I’ll call when I have something more concrete, date-wise. I’m sorry.” Ryan blows out a tight breath and ends the call.
I stand still for a minute, for five, maybe ten. Time seems to spill away as I try to reconcile the things Ryan said with the emotions I have shoved deep down inside.
With three soft raps, the door creaks open just wide enough for Erin’s concern to bleed in. “Everything okay?”
I force a tight grin, knowing she’ll see right through it. “Not yet, but it’ll be fine. I, uh… My trip is postponed, so no need to reassign anything. I just need to cancel my flight, and then I’ll jump back in.”
Erin doesn’t step aside as I approach the door. In fact, she slips through the narrow opening and closes the door behind her. “Why don’t you go home? You look exhausted.”
I am emotionally wrecked, but I can’t. “That’s not going to work.” I put my hands up, palms out, as she opens her mouth to protest. “I appreciate it, Erin, and I get what you’re saying, but I can’t just go home and wallow.”
“I’m not saying you should wallow, but?—”
“I know. I know you’re not, but now, more than ever, I need to throw myself into work. Keep my mind on something else.” I shake my head and then meet her concerned gaze. “It would kill me to be idle right now.”
Concern softens into something closer to understanding, and Erin finally nods. “Okay. But promise me you’ll kick out of here early today. Take a nap. Hang out on the beach. Anything. There are much better ways to distract yourself than working a thirteen-hour day on situation analysis.”
I shift under her focused attention, uncomfortable with being on the receiving end of what feels way too much like pity. “We’ll see how far I get.” With that, I stalk back to my desk, pop in my earbuds, and cancel my travel plans.
Erin and Ryan—theywere both right. I should have left the office at noon, stolen Chloe and Jake from school, and spent the day out here in the sand. Twenty-twenty hindsight and all that.
“Miles, catch,” Jake yells, heaving the rugby ball.
His lateral toss is improving. Big-time.
I jog a couple steps forward and pass it back to him. “Now, kick it and see if Bronson can field it.” Sand shifts beneath myfeet as I walk backward to where Chloe is perched on a blanket. “Are there any cookies left?”
Chloe opens the plastic shell from the grocery store and offers me the last one. “Thanks for this. I don’t know what it was about today, but something just felt off, you know?”
I break the chocolate chip cookie in half and hand Chloe a piece as I plop my ass down next to her.
It’s a small thing, but I love that she reaches past the piece I offer and takes the smaller chunk, mumbling, “Thanks.”
I glance down the beach, checking on Jake’s whereabouts, before relaxing into the hand I have propped behind her back. “I do. I hated thinking that I wouldn’t see you again for a while. It made sneaking out this morning even worse.” I offer a weak smile because I hate sneaking around. I hate anything not fully honest, open, and up-front. Which makes me feel like an even bigger asshole for doing the exact opposite, but I’m not ready. It’s too much. Too raw.
