I want that to be true. God, I want that so badly it makes my chest ache.
“He called me Solnyshko,” I tell her. “Little sun. He said it like it meant something to him.”
“Did it mean something to you?”
“Yes. And that’s what scares me. If I let myself believe him and trust that what we had was real, and then I find out I’m wrong…” I shake my head. “I don’t know if I could survive that kind of betrayal twice.”
Katya reaches over and squeezes my hand. “You’re stronger than you think. You exposed Adrian’s operation when it would have been easier to look the other way. You’re not a fragile thing that breaks the first time someone hurts you.”
“I feel pretty broken right now.”
“Broken and breaking are different things. You’re still here. Still standing. Still deciding what happens next. That’s not broken.”
I rest my head on her shoulder. “Dmitri’s going to use Tony to get to Adrian.”
“I know. Dmitri told me.”
“What if it goes wrong and Adrian figures out Tony betrayed him?”
“Tony knows the risks. He’s choosing to help anyway.”
“He doesn’t have a choice. He’s a prisoner.”
“Is he?” Katya asks. “Because Tony walked into that warehouse knowing Dmitri would break him down. He didn’t have to cooperate or offer intel on Adrian.”
“Or he knew resistance would get him killed and decided cooperation was safer.”
“Maybe. But volunteering to help take down his client goes beyond self-preservation.”
I lift my head and look at her. “You think he’s doing this for me.”
“I think he’s doing this because he cares what happens to you. Whether that’s love or guilt or something between, I don’t know. But it matters, Sasha. His actions since the truth came out matter.”
“I slapped him yesterday,” I admit. “When he took credit for being honest after weeks of lying. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re figuring it out. That’s all any of us can do.” Katya stands and stretches. “But you can’t figure anything out if you’re too scared to try. Adrian wants you to be paralyzed by fear and doubt. Don’t give him that.”
“Thank you,” I say. “For this. For understanding.”
“Of course. And Sasha? For what it’s worth, I’ve seen the way Dmitri talks about Tony’s confession. He respects that Tony told the truth when lying would have been easier. My husband doesn’t respect many people. That means something.”
She leaves me alone in the garden with the sunrise and too many thoughts competing for space in my head.
I pull out my phone and stare at the blank screen. Tony doesn’t have his phone anymore; Boris took it during the arrest. But I could go see him, ask more questions, and try to understand what happens next between us.
Or I could walk away, protect myself, let Dmitri use Tony for whatever plan he’s developing, and keep my distance until Adrian is dealt with and Tony is no longer my problem.
The smart choice is obvious.
But when I think about never seeing Tony again, or never hearing him call me Solnyshko again, that thought hurts worse than the betrayal.
Maybe Katya’s right, and what Tony has done since the truth came out matters more than what he did.
Or maybe I’m just a fool who’s about to make the same mistake twice.
I pocket my phone and stand. The sun is up now, and I need to shower and change before Dmitri inevitably calls a family meeting about what to do with Tony and Adrian.
But as I walk back toward the main house, I make a decision.
