Men come in by starlight, leave by dawn, and somewhere between those hours a city decides what it wants to be when it grows up: not holy, not honest, butalivein a way no other city is.
“And when the country came to its senses?”he asks himself, and then answers.“’33.Someone finally said enough and let the cork out again.Didn’t matter much to us by then.Vices had already found their home.”
“You sound proud,” I say.
“I am.”His voice thins, turns careful.“I’ve seen men build empires out of nothing but stubbornness and sin.Some last.Some rot from the inside out.”He studies me, brim low.“Your husband comes from builders, but he comes from rot too.The devil’s got his father nailed so tight to the floor he can’t get loose to haunt nobody.That’s why you don’t see him.”He tips his head.“He almost ruined everything, but the line didn’t end there.The ones after tried to make something different.Virulent with a selective conscience.”
“Is that Cassius?”I whisper.
“Yes, executioner,” he says.“With situational ethics.”He glances toward the hall like he can see where Cassius isn’t.The headless man shifts.The grocery creep stains the air a darker red.Gideon puts himself between them and me like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Why tell me all this?”I ask.
“Because you keep praying for answers.Might as well give you a few.”His brim dips again.“And because the early days matter.This city was born from thirst and secrecy.Your husband was born the same.You can love a place like that, a man like that, just don’t pretend they’re anything else.”
He starts to fade, edges thinning with the morning.
“Gideon,” I say, testing the name that rises as a memory I never owned.Then the room warms a few degrees, and he’s only a shadow on glass.
By the time Logan arrives to drive me to work I’m a basket case.Only when Logan says, “Why don’t you just call him?”on our way to work do I realize I’m partially to blame for how I feel.But I don’t know the rules of this game.Can he even get calls when he’s at work?I only have one of his numbers.He should’ve explained more before he abandoned me.
When Logan parks in the garage, I don’t get out.Instead, I take my phone out of my purse and hit Cassius’s contact.My reflection doubles in the window.Wyatt’s face overlays mine, his throat a dark mouth that won’t ever close.He fogs the glass when he leans in, voice a wet whisper only I hear:You chose this for me.
“You chose the knife.I chose myself,” I whisper back, and press call.
“Lindy girl,” Cassius says, a bit breathless.“Are you okay?”
“It’s been almost a week,” I say instead of answering him.
“I know.”I can’t pinpoint what’s happening on his end of the phone but noise swells behind him.“I told Adrian to inform you I couldn’t make it home.”
“Why didn’t you inform me?”I say.He stays silent for a long time.
“I’m sorry, darling.I wasn’t sure, I don’t…” Cassius's voice trails off.
“Adrian said you don’t want to spook me.”
“I don’t,” Cassius says immediately.“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
“I don’t want to hear from your brothers, Cassius.I need you to text me.I need you to call me.I can’t go six days without hearing your voice other than when you pop in for a few seconds when I’m half asleep.I need to know you’re okay.I need,” I pause thinking about the next words I’m going to say, swallow my pride, and decide to be honest.“I need you to care enough about me towantto call.”
“You and my brothers are the only things on this planet Idocare about.If it were up to me, I’d never leave you.You consume my every thought.If I show you how much I actually care, you’ll disappear.”
I let those words sink in.I’m not sure he’s right.Maybe being cherished that hard would be its own kind of oxygen.The thought of his focus narrowing to only me in every room, with every breath, doesn’t scare me.It settles low and warm, and some feral part of me wants both the lock and the key to this man to be inscribed with my name.
“Why don’t you do exactly what you want to, exactly what you feel, and if it is too much for me I’ll tell you to tone it down?”I want to experience who this man is when he’s not holding himself on such a tight leash.I’ll probably regret it, but I’d rather set myself up for the heartbreak than live another day like these past six.
“In that case, expect to be on your phone a lot more.”
“When will you be home?”
“I’ll be there before one,” Cassius pauses before adding, “Can I pick you up for lunch?”
“Yes.I’ll tell my boss I’m taking a late lunch.I only have an hour.”
“It’s an hour I can spend with you and you told me to do what I want.”
“I’ll see you at lunch,” I say.I’m already a few minutes behind, not that anyone here will care.
