The certainty in his smile clicks in my spine.I think I can be that woman if he’s here.Perhaps brave is me with him at my back.The thought blooms and my smile starts to match his… and then it frays and falls.The day will come when he isn’t there—when the heat of being chosen freezes over and his focus slides.Everyone else’s always has.I count three breaths, press my ring to the duvet seam, and tell myself I can stand on my own if I have to.When it comes to him, I don’t want to.And I’m lying—because without him, I’m not sure I’d stand at all.
Before I can answer, one of his phones rings on the dresser.It’s then I realize he has two phones, face up, side by side.He stands and answers the phone, his eyes never leaving mine.He doesn’t start with hello.
“I swear to God, Travis, I will kill you for this.It’s my wedding night.”
I don’t want to eavesdrop, so I stand and walk toward the ensuite master bath.Cassius catches my wrist as I pass, halting me.I look up to meet his waiting eyes.He lifts my hand to his lips, kisses my knuckles, then releases me.Before I can step back, he leans in and brushes my cheek with his mouth.“I’ll only be a moment,” he murmurs.His palm finds the pulse in my throat, “You can stay.I won’t be keeping things frommywife.”
The word wife trips something bright in my chest, and I know the man on the phone heard it too.Cassius clearly meant what he said about honesty, good, but it’s been a day of vows and ghosts and moral dilemmas.My head is loud.I’m not ready to know anything else tonight.“Shower,” I mouth, and he nods, kissing my cheek.
Cold hits when he steps away.I shut the door behind me in the bathroom, but don’t lock it.I strip quickly and turn the hot water as high as it’ll go.It burns, but I don’t turn it down.I’m rinsing my conditioner out when I hear the door open and click shut.
“Lindy girl,” Cassius says, presumably to let me know he’s here so he doesn’t scare me and cause me to break my neck slipping in the shower.There’s no door on this shower.It’s a massive, tile walk-in.You step in and then to the left, so under the showerheads I’m blocked from his view.“I have to go to work.I wouldn’t, but it’s an emergency.”
“Okay.”I’m not sure what to say.I start to cry before I can stop it.I don’t want him to leave me here alone.I never should’ve agreed to this idiotic marriage.I rest my forehead against the tile for a fraction of a heartbeat before his arms are around me.Arms with sleeves.Cassius’ mouth at my ear.
“I swear to you, there’s nowhere on this earth I’d rather be tonight than with you.I will be back the very second I can be.”
“Okay.”I don’t bother attempting to stop my tears.Cassius turns me to face him.“You have all your clothes on.Your suit is soaked.”I can’t help but smile at him, his shirt clinging to his perfect chest.He didn’t even remove his shoes.
“I can change my suit.”Cassius’ eyes remain locked on mine.If he’s struggling not to look at my naked body, he’s hiding it exceedingly well.He cups my cheek.“I shouldn’t be gone long, a day, maybe two.”
“Okay.”
“Please give me more than okay, Lindy darling.Please.”
“I don’t know what else to say.You told me you were a bad man.”My voice cracks.“I guess I should expect things like this.”
“I will never hurt you.Ever.”Cassius moves his hand to my chin and tilts up so that I have no choice except to look at him.“I will never lie to you.I will always be faithful to you.This marriage, you, means more to me than I even have words for.”
“Not lying isn’t the same as being honest.”The tile behind me is warm now.The water almost bearable.“I don’t even know what to ask.”
“I know that, and I promise there will come a time where we can talk through anything you want to know.I’ll tell you what to ask, explain without you asking, I’ll do whatever I have to so that you trust me.”
“But right now you have to go.”
“Yes.”
“You promise that you won’t lie, you won’t cheat?”I hear how ridiculous it sounds the second it leaves my mouth.He married me to shut me up.Spousal privilege, a neat little padlock under his thumb.Not for my protection.For his.So why does my chest ache to hear his answer?Why does the ring feel heavier when I picture him walking out that door to hands and mouths that aren’t mine?Get a grip, Melinda.Breathe.Count the stitches on his cuff.
“I haven’t even looked at another woman since the day you texted me by accident.”His mouth curves, a small miracle.“I promise you, Lindy.”
“I promise too,” I say back.“I know you didn’t ask, but if you have to go then at least go knowing that I’ll never lie to you and I’ll always be faithful.”I don’t know why I make the vow now, soaking wet, but Cassius the look on his face makes it worth it.I’ve never been so happy to have spoken words in my entire life.If all I do from now until I die is make his eyes light up, I’ll have lived a blessed life.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine.It’s needy, but sweet.He steps backward out of the water.By the time I shut it off and reach for a towel, he’s gone.
The next morning Cassius still hasn’t returned.I’m completely uncertain what to do in his house without him.It’s Thursday so I should go to work.I called off on Tuesday and Wednesday, or rather, Cassius informed me that he took care of me having to be there.I’m not sure if that applied to the entire week or not, and with him gone I have no reason to stay here.
I head downstairs in search of coffee.I carry my mug so the handle lines up with each grout line as I walk.Adrian and Logan are at the kitchen bar.Adrian’s cane leans against the counter.
“Good morning Melinda,” Adrian says.
“Good morning, Adrian.”I pour coffee and align the spoon with the edge of the saucer.“Good morning, Logan.”
“Hey, Melinda.”
“Do not,hey Melindaher,” Adrian snaps.
“I don’t mind, Adrian,” I say quickly.
