Mila and I used to do lunch.We used to do everything.And then one day she wasn’t there.I hate myself for thinking it’d be easier had she died.Grief is a whole different animal when the person chose to leave.I promised myself I’d come here and try again.Find a friend, choose people even if they might leave.
“Yeah, I’m Melinda.It’s so nice to meet you, Victoria.”I stand from my desk and hold out my hand to shake.“Lunch would be great, thank you.”
“I’ve been here four years, but trust me when I say I remember exactly what it’s like to be the new person.”
“Yeah, who knew making friends as an adult would be such a challenge.”I sit back in my office chair and scootch up to my desk and only then notice that the fluorescents above us are steady as a held breath.No flicker at all while Victoria is talking.
“Are you from here?”Victoria asks, as she walks out of my office and then comes back with an office chair in tow.
“No, I grew up in Massachusetts.You?”I stick a Post-It note on the page I’m editing to give Victoria my full attention.I do a lot of editing digitally, but when I get to my final pass, I like to put pen to paper.
“Wow, you’re a long way from home.What brought you to Vegas?”
“I was even farther before here.I worked for two years in the London office.”I swallow the memories.I can’t get into that right now, not here.I’ll cry.I refuse to cry on my second day.“Let’s just say that there was someone there I needed to escape from.”
“Men.”Victoria rolls her eyes dramatically.I smile at the fact that she knows it was a man without me saying it.“They’re always making us draw the short stick.”Victoria pats my thigh.“I’m sorry that you had to leave a place you weren’t ready to say goodbye to.”
“Thank you.”I fight the tears that press against my eyes, angry at myself for nearly letting them show.Victoria so effortlessly understood.It’s embarrassing how seen I feel after two sentences.I haven’t had a real friend in… a while.I’m close to my parents, to my brother and his partner, but I never had many friends.Always the shy one, always more anxious than most, my solace is found in books; the constant companion in my backpack or purse.The ease of vanishing into stories was and still is just too tempting, not to mention a lot less uncomfortable than trying to relate to people who actually exist.When the living get loud, I hide between chapters.When the dead crowd in, stories are the only thing that make both kinds of noise soften.It’s not fair to blame the world when I’m the one who freezes at invitations.Mila would have said that.Mila used to tug me into rooms and translate them for me, until one day she stopped and I started teaching myself how to be quiet enough that even most ghosts lost interest.Except lately they haven’t lost interest.If anything, they’re showing up more and clearer, edging closer, like the air’s tuned to a frequency I can’t turn down.I keep catching myself wondering if it started the night Cassius’s name showed up on my phone.Wondering feels naïve; I know it did.They’ve always been there, background static since I was a kid, but the night of the streetlight, something clicked into focus, and after Cassius started texting me, it got clearer still.I don’t know if it’s him or the shadow under that lamp, or both, but whatever they are, they pulled a door open inside me, and the rest of them walked through in a way they never have before.
I’m so tired of being ruled by my fear, always being afraid.Maybe I can change that here.Maybe I can be moreLindyand lessMelinda.Maybe Victoria can help me.
Victoria slowly moves into my office for the rest of the afternoon.By the time it’s five o’clock we’re editing side by side, her on her computer and me on my hardcopy.She’s got as much on my desk as I do.We chat all afternoon as we work and it’s surprisingly nice to have an office mate.She obviously has her own space but each time she left today she came back with more stuff.When we leave at lunch, she shows me her favorite sushi place, which is within walking distance from our office.I count tile squares on the floor to keep the noise in my head from spiking.Eight across.Ten down.Even, even.Ugh.I move my eyes one more to the right.Better.
When I get back to my desk after lunch, there’s an email from Wyatt sitting in my inbox.No subject line.Just:Didn’t realize we were lying about bringing our lunch.Hope sushi was worth it.—W
I blink at the screen.The words aren’t outwardly hostile, but the subtext hits like a slap.My stomach knots.Is he jealous?OfVictoria?How did he know it was sushi?How did he know where we went?My stomach knots, heat blooming low and sour.
My cursor hovers over Reply.I type:I didn’t lie.I changed my mind.Delete.I type:Please keep messages work-related.Delete.I settle on nothing, because silence can be a boundary too.
Before I can decide whether or not to keep the email, it disappears.One second it’s there and the next, it’s just… gone.No trace in my inbox, not even in my trash.
I frown and refresh the page.Nothing.
Did he unsend it somehow?Retract it?Delete it remotely?The fluorescents over the bullpen thin and sharpen.The beehive ghost at the copier pauses mid-tap, eyes cutting to me like a warning.Don’t invite that in.
Cassius always seems to know where I am too, but that knowledge sits different in my bones.Cassius’s intrusions make me feel watched over, not watched.Wyatt’s email, him knowing where we had lunch, it’s icky.
A chill crawls up my spine, but I brush it off.Maybe he realized how it sounded.Maybe it was a glitch.Either way, I don’t mention it—not to Victoria, not to anyone.
Still, when I glance up and catch Wyatt watching me from down the hall, his expression unreadable, something in my chest twists.The smile he gives me when he notices I’ve seen him doesn’t reach his eyes.I push my water bottle to the exact corner of my mousepad, breathe on odds, and promise myself I won’t be alone in a room with him.Not today.Not ever, if the lights keep telling me the truth.
Victoria and I walk out together just before six o’clock and linger in the quiet hum of the nearly empty parking garage, our footsteps echoing off the concrete as we make our way to our cars.We’re among the last to leave, a pattern I'm quickly realizing will define my future here if I’m not careful.As we reach the dimly lit section where our cars are parked, surprisingly close to one another—only three spaces apart—we pause, hesitating in the shadowy space.
“Do you want to get a drink?”Victoria's voice cuts through the silence, her offer hanging in the air just after our goodbyes, but before either of us get in our cars.She shifts uncomfortably, a sheepish grin spreading across her face.“I have a roommate, did I mention that earlier?”
“I don't think we ever got back to where you are from?”I laugh, we talked all day and somehow never circled back to that.
“Sonora, Mexico, it’s right near Rocky Point.I didn’t come to the states until I was fifteen.I wanted to go to high school here, so I moved to Tucson, Arizona, to live with my older brother.”Victoria leans against her car, the overhead light casting shadows across her face, highlighting a mix of determination and wistfulness as she recounts her journey.
“Do your parents still live there?”
“Yes, and I have a younger brother who is still there too.I’ll take you sometime.”Victoria winks.“It’s gorgeous and so much fun.I miss it all the time, but once I finished college, I moved here for an internship and never left.”
“Do you wish you would have?”The question slips out before I can stop it.I want Victoria to be friends with me, and in true Melinda fashion I may have just made it awkward.
“No.I miss my family, but I love my life here.The roommate situation isn’t my favorite, but other than that, I’m really happy here,” Victoria answers, seemingly unphased by my personal question.“So drinks?”
“Drinks,” I confirm and we both laugh.I slip into my car as I watch Victoria do the same.The engines come to life, a purr in the quiet of the garage.Victoria pulls out first, her car's headlights cutting through the dimness, and I quickly follow, my heart thrumming with the excitement of this unexpected night out.The streets of Las Vegas unfold before us, a maze of lights and possibilities, as I tail Victoria's car, curious about where she's taking us.On the short drive I notice, again, how dark my windows are.I tell myself I like it.
