Chapter 5
Cordelia shook from the top of her head all the way to the tips of her toes. How dare Nathaniel threaten her? She glared at him. “Very well, now get out of my way,” she said, her tone sharp, as she made no effort to hide her anger.
“I’ll be back as soon as I procure a special license. Do share the good news with your parents,” Nathaniel said, his tone brooking no argument.
The moment he stepped out of her way, Cordelia made haste for her bedchamber. By the time he realized what had happened, she would be gone. Best of all, by the time he caught up with her, she would be free.
With Mother’s permission, Cordelia had written to her cousin, Marybeth, in Yorkshire. She was now set to go for a visit. Her carriage would depart in the morning.
Even if Nathaniel arrived tomorrow with a license in hand, he would be too late. At the least, she would be several hours away.
Cordelia pushed her bedchamber door open with a satisfied smile. She moved to glare out her window at Nathaniel’s departing form. The arrogant rogue! She would show him.
He would not bully her, nor would she allow him to force her into anything. She could not, for she had the babe to protect. She placed a protective hand over her midsection. Her child would fare better as a widow’s son or daughter than a rogue’s.
A moment of regret swept through her. Not remorse for what she had done, nor the consequence of it, but she bemoaned who she’d done it with. If Nathaniel were any other man—a decent man, everything would be different.
She would marry him without remorse. Cordelia may even find joy in the arrangement. Her child would be legitimate, and she could remain in England. But not with Nathaniel.
Marriage to him would break her, and the damage would reach her baby. They would be gossiped about, and the most elite of society would not welcome them. Every time Nathaniel strayed from her bed, his actions would pierce her heart, for surely she would come to love him. Hurt and embarrassment would consume her.
Her child would be ostracized and forced to grow up in an unhappy home. If she carried a son, he may wether it all and come to have a good life as a peer of the realm. But a daughter? She would be hard-pressed to find a place among her peers. She certainly would lack suitable marriage prospects.
Cordelia could not subject her child to the devastating outcomes. She could not risk her child’s future. Nor would she sentence herself to such embarrassment and heartache.
It was not to be born. She straightened her posture and moved to her dressing table with renewed determination. As she waited for her maid, she removed her hairpins, then began brushing out her hair.
A tap soon sounded at her bedchamber door.
“Come in,” Cordelia called out.
Macey, her lady’s maid, entered. “Good evening, my lady.” Macy dipped a curtsey.
Cordelia smiled, then said, “Be sure my things are ready at first light. I have no wish to delay my departure.”
Macy drew nearer as Cordelia stood so she could help her from her dress. “I have your trunks and valise ready to go.”
“Very good,” Cordelia said, presenting her back so Macy could unbutton her frock. “I have no wish to sleep past dawn. Have yourself dressed and ready before sun up. Once you are prepared for the journey, come wake me.”
“As you wish, ma’am,” Macy said, her voice cheerful. “Truth be told, I am excited about the trip. It has been quite some time since we visited Yorkshire.”
“Indeed.” Cordelia smiled as her dress slid from her shoulders. She stepped from the pool of organdy and went to her bed.
Macy collected the pile of blue organdy from the floor and held it close to her chest. Turning to Cordelia, she asked, “Is there anything else you require? Perhaps a tonic to help you sleep? Or a glass of warm milk?”
“No, thank you, Macy. Go get some rest.” Cordelia pulled her bedspread up to her chin as Macy took her leave.
She could not help but wonder if her perceptive maid had yet to notice her condition, or if she was simply keeping quiet on the matter. The woman noticed everything—including the fact that Cordelia hadn’t been sleeping well—so she suspected the latter and was ever so grateful that Macy did not bring up the pregnancy.
She was an excellent maid, and Cordelia meant to keep her on once she gained her freedom. Perhaps Macy could serve as a companion and a lady’s maid? Though Cordelia would gain control of her finances, she would not have so much coin that she could hire an entire staff of servants.
There would be enough for a comfortable cottage, Macy, a cook, a footman, and a housemaid. In all likelihood, Cordelia could not afford a wet nurse or nanny. She did not mind as she planned to be a hands-on mother, but fretted that she may not be up to the task.
Perhaps she was making a mistake?
What if she did not produce enough milk for the babe? What if her baby did not respond well to her? What if the baby wailed and cried, and she did not know how to soothe the child? Cordelia had very little experience with babies.
She sighed and covered her belly with her hand. Such thinking would drive her mad, and there really was no reason for it. Everything would work out. Cordelia would learn how to be an excellent mother. She would raise the child with love and patience. Furthermore, Macy would be with her to help.
