He was no longer capable of loving another, the heartbreak he’d experienced too much for a life time. Nor did he trust himself to ensure someone else’s safety. It was the very reason he put off acquiring a wife—the reason he fancied himself a perpetual bachelor.
The clubs of London, lady birds and lonely widows, were safe. None of them required him to love or even care about anyone other than himself. Rather they welcomed his debauchery—encouraged it even, allowing him the freedom to numb his pain or douse his boredom as the case often was. He could use a strong drink and friendly game of cards at present.
Nonetheless, his course had been set. It would serve him best to embrace his new position in life.
His gaze landed on Jane once more. Somehow he would have to make amends with their situation. Forgo blaming her for his bad judgment and misdirection. She deserved to have a good husband, an honorable one even if he could never love her. But how the devil was he to accomplish the feat?
Jane’s eyes opened, her gaze meeting his. “It is terribly cold,” she said in a sleepy tone as she pulled her legs onto the carriage seat, closer to her body.
Caleb retrieved a blanket from beneath his carriage bench, then sat next to her. “Come. Lay your head on me. Share my warmth.” He reached out one arm waiting for her to snuggle against him.
Jane nibbled her lip, contemplating.
“Do not be silly. We are wed. It will do no harm for me to keep you warm.” He reached out for her.
“Of course. I fear it will take some time to get used to being a wife.” She arranged herself next to him. Her head on his chest, body pressed against him and legs curled up on the seat.
A shiver shot through him as her soft curves molded to him. Ignoring the unsettling longing, he spread the blanket over her then wrapped her in his embrace, lending his body heat.
He inhaled the floral scent of her hair while he rubbed her arm, warming it. Their marital state would take him more than a little while to grow accustomed to, though he could quickly get used to the feel of her in his arms. “There, how’s that?”
“Much better. Thank you.”
“Good.” He pulled her closer. “Get some more sleep.”
As Jane lay listening to Caleb’s heartbeat, feeling his heat, his embrace, she could no more sleep than think straight. Her mind bounced from one idea to the next. Should she reveal to him that they had not made love? Make small talk? Feign sleep to avoid the awkwardness surrounding them?
She closed her eyes deciding her last thought was the best course of action. Still her mind continued to circle. What was he thinking as he held her? Did he find her figure too full? Was he terribly disappointed to be wed to such an unattractive lady? Part of her believed it must be so since he’d neglected to consummate their marriage the prior evening—not that she had wished too. Or rather she did, but at the same time wanted to avoid him discovering how she had misled him.
Her deception had not been intentional. Everything simply happened too fast. Before she could point out that her virtue was still intact they were arguing, then Henry and the others barged into her chamber. What was she supposed to do?
Unable to resist, Jane peaked up at Caleb. Would he forgive her for not speaking up? His actions had compromised her all the same as if he had deflowered her. He was still in her bed without a stitch of clothing and caught half dressed in her chamber.
His gaze met hers and she looked away, hoping he would not make anything of her gazing at him.
“What is it, Jane?” he asked.
“Nothing.” She bit her lip. Pray do not let him press on with his inquiry.
He gave her a slight squeeze. “Are you still terribly cold?”
Forcing herself to meet his eyes, she said, “No, I am far more comfortable now.” In fact his embrace coupled with the blanket had chased the chill completely from her bones. She sat up, pulling the blanket tight around her shoulders. “I find that I am no longer in need of rest. Might we talk?”
“What do you wish to discuss?”
“Any topic that is not considered polite will do.”
He chuckled and she smiled at her own witty reply.
“I dare say I cannot tolerate one more conversation on the weather or upcoming season.”
His smile landed on her, sending heat spiraling through her. “I too am weary of pleasantries, though I fear I may shock your delicate sensibilities if I speak of impolite topics.”
“Try me?” She gave him her best saucy grin. “I would very much like to learn about you, your past and how you currently spend your time.”
“All of London knows my reputation. Let us not delve into it other than for me to confirm that all you have heard is likely true.” He settled back against the seat. “I believe you would be a far more interesting topic of discussion.”
Disappointment pricked her heart. She should not have expected any other response from the rogue. All the same she’d hoped to discover that there was more to him than his reputation. “Very well. What do you wish to know about me?”
