Guilt swam in my gut, thick and overpowering, until I could barely breathe through the weight that settled on my chest. I ran my hands through my hair, ends sticking out with the motion. The door clicked shut softly behind Folami, encasing us in silence so tense I could practically reach out and touch it.
“I think we need to ta?—”
“I need to leave Lishahl,” I blurted, cutting off whatever Folami was going to say. Hurt and surprise flickered across her face for an instant before she disguised those emotions behind an unfeeling mask.That,more than anything else, nearly broke me—she didn’t do that anymore, not with me. We were open and honest with each other, shared our fears and our dreams. To see her revert back to what she showed everyone else cut me like a hot knife, my heart held in my hands as an offering for her.
“I need to leave,” I repeated, quieter this time. Despite the hurt my words inflicted, this decision wasright. “I can’t be here while whatever happens between you and Lex . . . happens.”
Folami blinked slowly, arms folding across her chest in a defensive maneuver.
My heart continued to splinter and break.
“I love you with every fiber of my being, Folami,” I pleaded, voice cracking with emotion. “But I need to have some time away from it all.”
Silence hung between us, and I darted my eyes back to hers.
“Say something,” I pleaded.
“What do you want me to say, Peytor?” she asked, voice devoid of emotion. “That I want you to go? That you should leave Lishahl? Leave Itanya? Leaveme?”
I winced as her words landed.
“I don’t want that. Even with your horrific attitude and inability to see what’s right in front of you, I don’t want that. I want you to stay and work it out, to hear what I have to say, whattheyhave to say.”
“I can’t stay here and watch you fall in love with them,” I whispered, tears leaking from my eyes to track down my cheeks.
Folami remained as stone, impassive and unbreakable.
“Then maybe itisbest you leave,” she said.
A keening noise left my lips at her inadvertent admission.
She’s falling in love with them—maybe isalreadyin love with them.
I nodded, hands still wrapped tightly in the strands of my hair. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Okay, I’ll . . . I’ll just leave,” I mumbled, suddenly numb.
Folami stood still, watching as I hastily grabbed a sack from beneath our shared bed and haphazardly shoved random objects and articles of clothing inside. I couldn’t think, couldn’t see, could barely breathe.
Every fiber of my being was screaming for me to go while urging me to stay.
I was a mess and in no fit state to be around her—I’d only hurt her in the end and that was the last thing I wanted.
But I couldn’t articulate those thoughts; my tongue was heavy in my mouth, body quickly numbing to the onslaught of pain I was sure would come soon.
Once my bag was packed, I cinched it tight and slung it over my shoulder. Folami still hadn’t moved, her face an impressive mask of stone, but her eyes betrayed her inner thoughts.
Instead of harshness, I only saw raw pain. So much so that her brown eyes were wet, emotion threatening to spill over her lower lashes.
“Folami,” I breathed, reaching a tentative hand toward her. She flinched, and pain lanced through me as I quickly withdrew my touch as if burned.
“Go,” she spat, lifting her chin toward the door. “Just go,” she said softer.
I stood staring at her for a moment longer, willing her to look at me, but she refused.
With a heavy sigh and even heavier steps, I reached the door, turning at thelast second to make eye contact once more. I let her see all the broken jagged pieces of me, all the love and desire I would always hold for her.
“I’ll be back, Folami,” I promised. “This is not where we end.”
She said nothing, but I watched as a singular tear rolled down her cheek, the two of us a mirror.
