“But you are not Torin,” he said simply. My shoulders sagged, body deflating.
“No, I’m not,” I admitted quietly with a shake of my head. Torin shot me a quizzical look from his position on the side of the field, silently asking if I wanted hispresence.
Warmth filled me at his desire to be near me, to help, but I shook my head. I loved him, was happy to have his instruction, but I needed to do this on my own.
“I don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, Ellowyn,” Lex said lightly, drawing my attention again. He studied me with an unreadable yet soft expression. “Torin is unique in that he can pull four distinctly different elemental powers.Youare unique because the four magics you hold are the strongest in Elyria on their own, let alone stuck in one person’s body.”
I hummed in agreement, acknowledging the war that constantly occurred just beneath my skin, like my powers were fighting for dominance.
“Your powers are also much more intertwined than Torin’s. Each of the elements are completely separate entities and, so, easier to draw on individually or together. Yours, however, are twined so closely together that they’re hard to separate. You even thought they were thesamepower not too long ago.”
“What’s your point, Lex?” I asked, draining the water skin.
“Destruction brings Pain, Creation brings Pleasure. They are already drawn together when you access either of your more preferred powers. So you need to think of them as separate entities. If you want to draw upon Pleasure, then you need to think about pleasurable things. Same with Pain. Otherwise, you’ll always draw your dominant power.”
I stood silent, blinking rapidly at him with the water skin suspended in the air between us.
“That . . . that is both logical and intuitive,” I admitted as Lex’s cheeks pinked under my praise.
“It’s nothing, really,” he said, gripping the back of his neck. “I had the same issue with both of my powers at the beginning, before I was Bonded to Ilyas. Pleasure and Pain were so interwoven for me, one did not exist without the other, and I could never call upon just one power. Made for a lot of late-night, exhaustive training with no progress.”
My gaze softened as I saw the pain flash behind his eyes. Subtle movement drew my attention; Ilyas and Folami shuffling as they debated easing the darkness clouding his eyes.
“Let me show you,” he said, pulling a crystal from his pocket. “I’m only going to draw a little bit of power, just because?—”
“You’re not Bonded and don’t have an infinite well?” I finished, and Lex shot me a tight smile.
“Something like that. Are you ready?”
I nodded as he clutched the crystal in his fist. “Right now, I’m thinking about my time in the dungeons of the Academy while pulling on my magic. Notice how nothing is happening?”
I nodded briskly.
“That’s because that memory is too convoluted to use. Now, if I think about something else . . .” he trailed off as viscous dark purple magic pooled in his opposite palm. “Then it appears,” he said through gritted teeth. Sweat instantly beaded on his brow and temples, saturating his hair at an alarming rate. The magic in his palm flickered and died as he released his hold on it, stumbling back a few steps on uncoordinated legs.
“Lex!” Ilyas was by his side in an instant, supporting the Mage before he fell.
“I’m okay,” Lex said, patting Ilyas’ arm with shaky hands. Ilyas and I made eye contact over Lex’s head, an understanding passing between us before Folami joined.
“What happened? What did you do?” she barked, concern harshening her tone as she inspected Lex for damage.
“It wasn’t Ellowyn, Folami. I drew from the crystal,” Lex panted, finally pushing to a wobbly stand. Both Folami and Ilyas hovered by his side, refusing to move lest he fall again.
“This happens often?” Folami asked, dark brows furrowed over clouded eyes.
Lex shot her a small smile and a shrug, not answering her question, yet not denying it either.
Folami outwardly grappled with the reality that Mage Sickness from not using his Pain Magic might take Lex before she had the opportunity to come to terms with the fact that she was his True Pain Bond.
My heart ached for them.
“Try it,” Lex said, tilting his chin in my direction.
“Which one?” I asked, and Lex shook his head.
“Doesn’t matter. Whatever emotion is more powerful right now.”
I chewed my lip in thought, scratching my arm through my tunic sleeve. Memories and feelings bombarded me from every angle, but none of them were pure. Each was tainted by either my desire to destroy or my longing to create.
